WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

Pages
"She was featured because she stated that she was taken care of like Cinderella - very little financial knowledge. Yes, the article stated they were living well beyond their means even prior to her DH's death."
There's the problem right there. If they had been living within their means, in a house comparable to their income and not had horses and other things "well beyond their means", then she would not have had such a financial hit and could probalby have kept the house.
If her income were comparable to her DH's they would probably still have the same issue. If they made $200,000 and but lived like they made $400,000 then loosing $100,000 would still mean having to downsize tremendously.
A. Because if a child with a SAHM can also get experience/education then obviously work status has nothing to do with it.
B. Because it is their experience/education that will make them independent, not yours. When my DD1 graduates from college in May, she is the one who earned that education not me. My work status had nothing to do with it.
"If he and I weren't married, I would be well able to support myself."
That is not what you said in your pevious post you said that you did support yourself.
You are no different than many of the SAHM's on this board. They don't support themselves fully now but could if they were not married.
Usually, my "modus operandi" in the Message Boards is to read everything others have posted before deciding if I have anything I consider valuable to add. This time I found this thread so big already that it was impossible to read all! So forgive me if I am repeating something already posted, but since it is a matter of adding a personal experience, I thought it might be helpful for the OP.
My mother had a career, and I definetely think that having her as a reference of a adult woman gave me a valuable lesson on how to become independent.
It was not always easy, as a child, not having my mom around a lot - she studied and worked and that meant we didn't have much time together. But on the other hand I think the situation gave me confidence in my abilities and "power". For example: I had to compete with many male students for a spot in the Electrical Engineering course of a very competitive University, and I didn't feel for a moment I couldn't beat them. When the course started, I heard things like "why did you take a male student's place? he will have to take care of his family; you could just find a husband", or "are you here to get an Engineer to marry you?", or yet "what are you here to learn? how to fix your microwave?".
I always laughed at the people that said that. Some of my female colleagues weren't so confident and confessed that many times they thought of changing courses for a "friendlier area" for women, like Biology; I fit right in with the male group and they learned quickly to respect my abilities. I know that my self-assurance may have other roots than my mother's example, but I feel that much of what I accomplished early in life had to do with seeing how she could manage so many things at once: work full time, publish books, study abroad, have 3 kids etc.
"Can a working mother help her kids learn financial independence?" Of course she can- by encouraging them to get an education and discouraging them from living at home as adults. But the working mother's job has nothing to do with it. You obviously think your job encourages them to hold a job and I don't think it matters at all.
"Well how can you be so sure my job doesn't matter? It matters to me." Of course it matters to you. You're the one holding it. I didn't mean it doesn't matter to you or to your lifestyle. I meant it doesn't matter in teaching your dd's financial independence. They can learn that whether you hold a job or not simply by living on their own themselves. Your encoragement with a college education will help too (or trade school.) But where your job matters is to you and your current income. It has nothing whatsoever to do with your dd's future income. Their educations and experience living alone are what will influnece that, not your job.
> Great story. Do you WOH, or did you when your kids were growing up?
Actually, I do not have children - I am very interested in parenting issues, though, because I help my brother take care of his children (a boy and a girl, now 8 and 6).
I always WOH and I guess wouldn't stop if I had children. My nephews are very happy to stay at school during the day; I have a friend that is a SAHM and also take her 6-year-old daughter to the same school, so they have very similar routines.
The only thing I would do differently from my mother is to spend more time "interacting" with my kids. She would do so many things around our house when she was at home, that I remember being sad that we had so little time together - I would accept ANY invitation from her, even going to a place I didn't like, just to be able to be near her... I make a point of spending quality time with my brother's kids (reading at bedtime, playing a lot with them over the weekends) so they don't have the same "sense of abandonement" I felt - which, I am absolutely sure, had nothing to do with my mother having a job.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Pages