WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 10:34pm
For $350,000 here you could get a nice two bedroom townhouse or condo.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 10:43pm

And that was a situation that she and her dh got themselves into really. No, of course he didnt *plan* to die, but good grief-how can you even remotely try to associate this with the fact that she was a sah? Her work status was irrelevent because they simply had no financial sense. They would still have been living beyond their means and had to sell the house and horses even if she DID woh. Most people who live beyond their means do so no matter what their income.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:00pm

And I wouldn't want to live where I couldn't support my family on a reasonable income in a comfortable manner and still allow my children to have a parent at home. It's all about priorities. :) If having a parent at home and being able to manage financially in the event that the wage earning parent becomes unable to maintain that wage is important to a family, there are ways of making that work. One of which is choosing an area to live where ones dollar goes alot further toward providing that lifestyle.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:05pm

Around here it will get you a comfortable suburban home in a great school district with enough left over when responsibly managed for a fair amount of lifes little pleasures. Now, granted, if one had to shell out for daycare that wouldn't go nearly as far, but with school aged kids, it definately would.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:07pm

Then maybe one should make more practical decisions regarding where one wants to live :) What is the average income in your area- just curious.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:10pm

ITA. My parents sold our family home when I was a few years older than 21, and it never would have occurred to me to feel "traumatized." It wasn't my home, for one thing. It was theirs. I had absolutely no claim on it once I was an adult.

I'd think it would be pretty traumatic for parents to have grown children who find such a thing traumatic, actually.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:36pm

A lot of us didn't move where we are when it WAS a high COL area.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:47am
How so? I believe that you think money solves all problems, I disagree.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:53am
Wow, really? I would find that sad if my dh felt someone else could provide better care for our kids than I can. Dh and I have very similar parenting values. There's really no "his way" versus "my way". You and your dh must have completely different parenting values if you actually have to hire someone else so things will get done more to your dh's liking. I can't relate to that at all.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 6:38am
ITA. But having a parent at home isn't important to anyone in my family. And the salaries here tend to match the cost of living. So it works out okay.

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