WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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I'll share ...
My grandfather dying when I was 9. THAT was traumatic. Seeing my uncle with his head split open and bleeding all over my grandmother's floor at 3am. THAT was traumatic. My other grandfather dying when I was 20. My aunt dying when I was 8; she was only 40 and left 5 young kids.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
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Same here, but absolutely no such reaction. As a matter of fact, I had moved once before, when I was four, and I do remember that and thinking it was pretty exciting.
About the only thing that I'd describe as traumatic was my uncle dying in an accident that same year - I hadn't realized that up until then that young people could die. IMO, most people use "trauma" to describe something like serious disease or bodily injury to oneself or a loved one, major property loss (house fire, serious auto accident), divorce, witnessing or experiencing or narrowly escaping violence or abuse, etc. I personally wouldn't even count the old-age deaths of my beloved pets, let alone the sale of property.
Pre-21 trauma. . .losing three beloved dogs over those years (one during labor/birth, one at the 'hands' of another dog, one was hit by a car). . .finding out my father had been unfaithful to my mother and was in love with the other woman. . .suffering emotional abuse at the hands of a former fiance.
Interestingly enough, my parents moved from my childhood home after I left for college (my mother still owns it though
PJM--can I play armchair psychologist for a minute?
Maybe this feeling you have about being traumatized by losing your family house at 21 explains why you are so adament about rigorous schedules and minimizing change with your own children. In contrast, I grew up in a military family and we moved frequently, across country sometimes. We learned to "go with the flow" and adapt to whatever environment we were put into. I feel as a result, I can feel comfortable almost anywhere I go. I can make do with whatever physical surroundings I have been given, whatever schedule (or lack of) I am thrown. One of the things I strive to "re-create" for my children is the sense of adventure my parents gave us with their enthusiasm to try something new, learn about a new place, and make new friends.
Just thinking out loud but as I read about how you felt about losing your childhood home, I realize how we come from such different circumstances and how that obviously contributes to how differently we live our lives now.
More practical decisions? How about this is where we grew up. This is where DH owns his business. How about this is where our families and friends are. I live in NJ. Very, very high cost of living. Average house in central and northern NJ probably goes for around $400k. And I really do mean "average." My property taxes are over $5k and that's LOW for this area. Should we just uproot our family and DH's business (which would not be a small task) just to live where the COL is lower? Where we don't know anyone? Where we would both have to start from scratch?
The decisions we have made in our lives for our family have been VERY practical. We just happen to live where the COL is very, very high. Moving to an area just because it has a lower COL is not necessarily practical for everyone.
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I'll share too. Lets see-my parents divorcing when I was 5. My mother abandoning me for a year after the divorce. Getting physically abused by my sitters husband. My dad remarrying a woman who despised me when I was 7. Becoming the built in babysitter to 2 babies when I was 9. Getting teased mercilessly in Jr high because I didnt have decent clothing or regular haircuts. Going to live with my mother and her husband (who didnt like me much either) when I was 13. Finding out my dad had never saved any college money for me at 17 (after being told there would be money for college). Making the decision NOT to go to college because of this. Just trying to survive on my own at 18. Meeting my ex-h at 19, marrying at 21, divorcing at 23-and subsequently having my stepmother try to disown me because I was divorced (I didnt speak to anyone except my brothers for a year).
So you can kind of see how I
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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