WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:49am

I've thought more about this and I'll tell you why I think it's a SAHM issue.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:51am

One can also plan to either a) acquire careers in a more broad and stable field or b) acquire skills that allow one to be more flexible and in demand as far as career choices are concerned. I'm not saying it's a bad choice *not* to do that- just that if providing a sahp for ones children is a high priority for ones family, then there are things that one can do to make that happen. One doesn't wake up one day and say "Gee, I think I'll be a doctor", walk into the local hospital and set up their office- they go to school, plan and work toward that goal for *years*. IMO being a sahp isn't much different. Different plans need to be made, but *with* that planning, it *is* feasible for *most* families. Easy? Never said it was necessarily "easy"- just said it can usually be done.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:53am

ITA. The loss of a house or any kind of property can be very major. To feel overwhelmed or heartbroken over it might mean one has led a very sheltered life, or it might mean one has a lot of psychic energy tied up in it. It's just part of being human. Once I stopped talking to one of my sisters for almost a year over a set of dishes.

Sabina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:55am

How can you possibly compare the experience of moving at age 4 to helping your parents move and moving your stuff out at age 21?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:06am
I can understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:16am

... If the median income is 90,000 and one can only afford a small townhouse with no yard at 350,000 then most people are living well beyond their means as far as home payments if one takes the traditional "no more than 28%" rule as far as how much home one can afford. Unless you're saying that most people are in dual wohp families both making around that amount.....

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:18am
What I'm saying is that you have to have home equity - be a "move up buyer" - to buy a home around here.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:22am

Like I said- it's all about priorities. Nothing wrong with yours- nothing wrong with mine- they're just different. Some things are more important to some people. *shrugs* To me, providing a SAHP for my children is more important than living in any certain area. Of course, we already live 3hrs away from our families so that doesn't factor into the scenario for us. :) I'm just saying that if having a SAHP is a higher priority, there are things one can do to make it happen on what some would call a small income. ($37000)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:26am
I didn't. Although if asked to do so, I'd think it would be a lot more anxiety provoking for a four year old to actually move than for a grown woman to have her parents move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:27am

If one's higher priority is to provide a sahp for their children, then yes- living in a lower COL area is a practical decision- financially speaking. If having a sahp *isn't* a higher priority, then no- it's not practical, because ones priorities are different. Is there anything wrong with that? Not unless one is overextending themselves to maintain their lifestyle in that higher COL area. If they can comfortably do it while balancing home/work then *great*. If not or if their higher priorities are to have a sahp, then the practical decision would be to move to a location where that is financially feasible on the income from one spouse.

Wytchy

Pages