WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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Because a four year old is a CHILD, with CHILDISH, unmatured emotions. A 21yo is old enough to understand that memories and love reside in a heart, not in a home.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
And I see it as more of an individual personality flaw. Just being a sah certainly didnt make her a *princess*. That came from her obviously ignorant attitudes about money and finance, coupled with her dh who enabled the whole situation, and BOTH of them living beyond their means in the first place.
I know puh-lenty of dual wohp households who are living way beyond what they can afford, paycheck to paycheck, with zero sense about money. In these kind of situations, with these kinds of people, work status is just irrelevent.
I dont know if you thought her story might serve as some kind of *warning* or what. But her situation is a result of poor financial planning and bad spending habits (and the fact that she sounds like an idiot to boot). NOT sah.
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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Did you read the Wall Street Journal yesterday? They had two or three articles about Carly Fiorina. Apparently, her strengths were due to her having to move all the time as a child.
My list of childhood traumas is similar to yours plus I was kicked out of the house while still in high school. Talk about trauma. When I was an adult, my mother accused me of sleeping with her then current husband. I haven't spoken to her since that day -- I think it's been close to 15 years now. I don't even know if she is alive or dead.
mom_writer
Why do you keep insisting that the position you're taking has nothing to do with sahm's while making comments like this one: "If they want to marry someone and live off them, that's their business." Your professed shock at the resistance you've encountered in this thread seems rather disingenous in light of such statements.
FWIW, I'm a sahm, but I am not "living off of" my dh. Money that I earned is helping to fund our retirement accounts and our children's college funds. If I needed to return to work, I could probably have a high paying job lined up in a matter of days. However, dh and I have decided that having a sahp is more valuable to our family right now than the income we are giving up by having me out of the workforce for a few years. Money isn't everything, nor is modeling a juggling act the only way to impart a work ethic to one's children.
I've often thought that you and I have a lot in common when it comes to our childhoods. I think too that is why we are so fierce as mothers ourselves, and why we focus so much on our children/family. In a way, not having decent parents helped make me a better one (at least I hope so! Dont ask my dd that today, lol, since she is grounded!).
Thats why my favorite quote is *that which does not kill us makes us stronger*
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
I agree that in most instances it can be done, some way or other.
Mondo
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