WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

Pages

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:51am
And what about those people who own their own business like my DH who is established in and licensed to work in a particular area? Just up and leave?? No, that does NOT make sense at all whether their priority is to provide a SAHP or not. That would be foolish. Leave your family and friends JUST to have a SAHP? I don't know too many people who would do that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:52am

Are you the poster that moved to rural Pennsylvania? Someone on the board did that so she could SAH and her DH made around 30K.


Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:53am

No one said you couldnt do it.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:54am
It's not odd.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:55am

Jeesh, talk about dysfunctional! I'm so sorry.


My DH hadn't talked to his Mom since he was 16 (when she lost part time custody) - lot of bad issues there - she tried to get him a prostitute for his 16th birthday (see why his Dad got custody?) She was a crack addict and alcoholic.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:55am
The fact that she can't earn more than $37K a year is certainly a major contributor to her problems, though.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:59am
You SHOULD ask your dd today - your willingness to be fierce and firm and to ground her as necessary is one of the hallmarks of a good parent.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:01pm

Well, you'll probably debate it with me, but I think you did! To be fair, so did a few others. Btw, I know you think that my posts are hard to understand, but I have a confession to make. English is not my first language. I have been speaking and writing in English for a few years only. So, it's a little challenging for me. But this board makes me feel better because some of these posters do not do much better than me.

Sabina

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:01pm
It sucks, but what would the alternative be? If she were a FT WOHM making a higher salary, say 80k a year, there would still be a loss of the dh's salary. If she were a SAHM, but had the education to make a higher salary, she wouldn't be able to jump right out there and make a high salary right away. Either way, the problem is the lack of planning. They must have been living right at or above their means, if she was unable to either pay off the house or maintain a comfortable SOL on a payout of $350k. Unless a family is totally banking (not using) one of the income earners salaries, which is quite rare I think, just about anyone would have a decreased SOL if one person were to die. Of course, unless you are prepared (with enough life insurance) for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:04pm

"If she were a FT WOHM making a higher salary, say 80k a year, there would still be a loss of the dh's salary."


But it's a lot easier to live on $80K than on $37K.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages