WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:04pm

No, I think you just took my posts too personally. If you reread them, I never said you werent or couldnt do it. It was the verbage you were using that I took issue with, and the generalizations.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:05pm

Not really. Her monthly income wouldnt matter that much if they'd been living within their means to begin with. And you never said-what DID happen to that 350k insurance policy, house proceeds and sale of horse proceeds? Not to mention social security. Average that out-its more than 37k a year.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:06pm

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Please, I never said that. But you're right, my statement about marrying someone and living off them was insensitive. I do understand it's much more complicated than that.

But, believe it or not, I really was not thinking of SAHMs with my OP. I suppose I should have anticipated that my OP might be misinterpreted in that way by SAHMs. On the other hand, it has been pointed out to me that on this board, there has to be something to debate about. So, posters will sometimes create a debate when there might not really be one, or at least one that was intended.

Sabina

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:11pm
It's not traumatic, it's realistic. My parents sold the house I was born and raised in when I was 19, when they got divorced, although I am quite sure they would have sold it even if they hadn't got divorced. It's called an empty nest. Two adults with no children don't need a 4 BR 3000 sq ft house. My parents sold mainly because my mom didn't want to take care of and live in such a big house all alone. Isn't it selfish to expect someone to do that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:11pm

Okay, now I'm really confused... So you actually do think I might be able to help my kids learn about financial independence by WOH? That can't possibly be what you mean...

Sabina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:12pm
Well, I wouldn't know anything about that, so I can't comment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:14pm
The house my parents sold was smaller than the one they moved into.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:17pm
If she were WOH FT in a decent paying position, that doesn't change the fact that they would still be living above their means. It would just be more means. The loss of her dh's income would have the same effect either way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:18pm
Smaller learning curve if you're starting from $80K than from $37K.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:19pm

Oddity is in the eye of the beholder. You might find it odd that I had a child out of wedlock. I find it incredibly odd that you married a man who couldn't clean up broken glass in the bathroom -- and that you couldn't walk in there in your barefeet. That is ODD.

mom_writer

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