WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:41pm
I like having a clued in husband. Besides, we use daycare. Even if I could dellude myself into thinking something about the way *I* handled child care tasks was in some way super duper second to none for that unique and special sub-species of homosapiens known as "my children" which subspecies could not possibly derive maximum childcare benefit from any species other than the subspecies known as "their mom" ...not sure how I'd be able to convince my husband of anything so ridiculous. Anyway, my husband is involved enough and confidente enough himself in childcare, to full well believe he brings things to the childcare scene when he's responsible, that I don't. I'm confident enough to realize, he's entirely right. And its not just him who can bring what I can't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:41pm

My Mom didn't sell the house we grew up in when she remarried, she rented it to my oldest sisters.


That house was the ONLY thing left of the good childhood I had (father died at 10), it held every good memory I had.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:41pm
Doesn't sound consistent with what you posted before, but oh well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:41pm
One of my fondest memories from my childhood is walking over to the beach after dinner w/ my sibs and parents and just hanging out. Too bad it's so d*%# expensive to live that close to the beach around here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:44pm

And I never said it didnt apply to her. So she cant feel independent without working-what does that have to do with teaching a child to be self sufficient????


My point has been all along that simply working, in and by itself, is not going to teach a child to be self sufficient. USING ones work status to teach independence may contribute. But the op was basically saying *well

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:44pm

I have been very clear with dh since before I quit my job to stay home - the moment we feel our financial well-being is at risk (or

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:44pm

Our favorite times are hanging out at the beach or island (small manmade island with beach right across from Sea World - it's an offleash park so our greyhound can take his laps and chase ducks!).

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:47pm
I disagree. I don't think bringing home a paycheck makes anyone smarter about money. Her dh brought home a rather large one and it doesn't seem he was very smart about it.If she were bringing home $80k a year they probably would have had a larger house and she still would have had to sell it. People who live above their means do so at any income.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:47pm

OK. Gotcha.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:47pm

>>I think PnJ probably felt similar, even as a young adult. She lost her Mom, that house held her memories of her Mom.<<

I'm not PNJ, but we do have similar situations. That is exactly why I would say that when my dad sold my childhood home (I was 24) it was a bit traumatic for me. I no longer had "my home" that held all those memories of my Mom.

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