WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:03pm

OK, just guessing. ;)


Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:03pm

So if her mom was alive when her house was sold she has no reason to consider this a traumatic experience?

I thought our personal experiences and feelings about our lives were just that - *personal*.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:11pm

I don't think it matters.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:21pm
Well he thinks I'm a great mom, but we aren't discussing having me divorce my children. He just isn't dellusional enough to view daily childcare tasks as something at which only a mom can excel. I think really, its becasue he's seen other adults do so well, and of course, because he's done so well with it himself. In fact, he has his own way of doing many things, many of which he does his way because he thinks his way is better. That would be, than the way I do them. Plain and simple. What...was he supposed to be so clueless himself that whatever I did was somehow *best*? And how far into life is this supposed to extend? What else am I supposed to be viewed as doing best in his eyes, just because I'm his wife, mother of his children?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:24pm
Depends on how attached they were to the horse. Some kids, girls in particular, get very attached to their horses. We don't have a horse of our own, but our kids ride at a stable and when one of the horses dies, it's a big deal for them. Losing a beloved companion animal on top of losing a father wouldn't be an experience I would wish on my kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:36pm
I'm afraid dj has misrepresented my OP to you, mondomom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:36pm
What factors? An extensive, tangible connection to property and all that it represents to the individual?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:39pm

Again, if one is trying to buy a 350,000+ home on a combined income of 90,000 or thereabouts, one is living (quite a bit) beyond their means. Unless one is being sure to keep their home cost below that 28%. One can't generate equity on a home if one doesn't own a home to generate equity *on*, meaning that if the cheapest one can get a starter home in the area is 350,000+ and one is only making 90,000, then home ownership isn't financially reasonable even for a starter home to try to 'move up' from. Unless one is moving *into* the area after selling a home in a different area that they've built up equity in... Is that what you're trying to say?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:48pm

Which is why it is a matter of priority and up to the couple as to what they perceive to be 'negatives'. For instance, you may consider having to move to an area with a lower COL to be a negative, whereas I do not. Negative/positive is all relative :)

Wytchy

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:50pm
DH and the boys and I were out in SD and La Jolla in Nov. 2003. We took a ride up to La Jolla one morning and watched the seals on the beach. It was spectacular. As a matter of fact, our Christmas card that year was a picture someone took of the 4 of us overlooking the beach in La Jolla. And you're only 2 exits away??? You lucky girl! I would live in SD in a heartbeat.

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