WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:51pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:58pm
How about your friend whose husband makes 450K a year? If he keels over or runs off with another woman, she'll have to downsize too, won't she? Even if she makes 130K herself, I imagine the imapct of losing 4/5 of ones income would be felt. Or does she make 450K, too? I can't really imagine a situation that wouldn't call for some adjustment, unless our husbands were all bringing in so small a percentage of the family income that losing it wouldn't be significant.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:01pm
So you aren't the best one to be with your children and you hire someone else to do it. That's good if that works for your family. Dh and I happen to believe that we love our children more than any other adult we can hire, therefore one of us should be with them, so I am. Different set of values for different families. Maybe you should ask your dh what he views you as best for, I don't feel qualified to answer for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:06pm
Absolutely. (and I didn't mean to infer SAHs don't intend to later work, OR that WOHs don't intend to SAH later).

Mondo Mom

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:09pm

It's not the area itself, it's the lack of job prospects.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:24pm

It doesn't make sense to *you* based on your priorities and situation. Anymore it's the rare family who *does* live near their extended families. Moving away from them isn't an issue when one doesn't live near them to begin with. For others, having a parent at home with the kids is more important than having grandma right down the street. While you don't know anyone who would move in order to provide the sort of lifestyle that they want for their family, I do.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:24pm
During my freshman year in college my parents sold the house I grew up in. The house was sold in the spring, after they told me during winter break that they were getting a divorce. And it seemed that the straw that broke the camel's back with regard to their marriage was their difficulty in dealing with my younger brother, who suffered a severe brain injury and almost died in an accident a couple of years earlier. Trust me, although I have many wonderful memories of that home (despite my parents' problems, I had a very happy childhood), selling the house was the least of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:26pm

Nope. I grew up in rural Pa, but I now live in suburban Ohio. :)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:29pm

Not if she moved into an area where $37,000 was a reasonable living wage, which in many places it *can* be.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:38pm

But if one can provide a comfortable iving on 37,000, why should anyone bad mouth their choices? As the child of a sahm, I don't remember our family's financial shortcomings, even though my mom swears we were quite tight with money. What I remember and care/d about was having my mom at home and having that interactive and close relationship (and consistancy/security/enjoyment) with her. If she "sacrificed" her ability to earn that $80,000 but spent those years/time/energy with her children, which is more valuable? According to *my* priorities for *my* family, time spent with my children is *FAR* more valuable than an ability to climb to the top of the corporate ladder and make a close to 6-figure salary. If money is more important to *you*, that's great, but where is it your, or anyone elses place to say otherwise for anyone else?

Wytchy

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