WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:17pm
I don't think you're living in a fantasy world.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:19pm
I didn't expect them to keep it forever, to appease me or for any other reason.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:20pm

Able to provide for life's necessities in a safe neighborhood with a functional/decent school system and have a bit left over for some of the fun things in life. But then, I'm not of the mind that horses, ballet lessons and 3000 sq ft homes are necessary for happiness or comfort :)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:24pm

So is this 37K net or gross?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:26pm

<< Why wouldn't it be traumatic to know that your family was no longer living there?>>

I can't even answer that question, because I can't understand what would be traumatic about that. My family is still living, after all. It would be nice to be able to take the boys back to the home their mom grew up in, but it's such a minor consideration. I see my family all the time -- in fact, the move was very nice because now we are 2 hours closer to my parents, and we get to see them more often now.

It's also nicer for my parents, who have a smaller home and yard to keep up. The move has been fantastic for them, actually. They were in a rut in the old town. Since they moved, my mom has started serious running and working out and very meaningful volunteer work (she's a Eucharistic minister for the local hospital, and goes there every Saturday to give out communion, including on Christmas day). She has truly blossomed in the new town. My father is also much happier. They go on birdwatching hikes and canoe trips together, they seem more in love than ever, and are just more content together. I have absolutely no claims on the way they live their lives, frankly, and they would be disappointed in me if I presumed to feel "traumatized" that they chose to make this move for themselves. It's none of my business. They have done enough for me. They don't owe me anything else at this point.

When my older sister moved to Switzerland, taking my niece and nephew, who are very close in age to my kids, I felt traumatized. I miss them. I miss my sister. But I don't miss the physical house we all lived in together.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:31pm

I found all sorts of things traumatizing as a child. The death of my beloved grandmother. The death of my dog. The death of my hamster, who lived to an insanely old age (5+ years). The time my older sister cut my bangs to about 1/4" long. The time I had a crush on John W., and he didn't have a crush on me back.

Normal, healthy childhoods include broken hearts and trauma. Not "feeling" things the way you did as a child is not indicative of a blissful early life, IMO.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:35pm
Yes, but does your DH acknowledge any childhood trauma associated with actual human relations? Or does he maintain that he had no real feelings until adulthood?
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:35pm

I have a much different idea of what our necessities are and while not grand by any means, I know they could not be provided on $37K a year.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:36pm
Yup! Me, too. It's essential to my mental health.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:36pm
If it took $350,000 to pay off the mortgage, I'm guessing that living in and maintaining that property on $37,000 is going to be a tad tough. Not going to be alot, if any, lifestyle left after basic food, clothing and shelter. Its an unfortunate reality. You can scoff the ballet lessons...but if these are kids who love ballet and have put alot of effort into it, the loss is real. My kids would be crushed if they had to give up their main activities. The love them, they achieve, they have real elements of their social lives associated with those activities. Their social lives are as much a function of these activities as they are a function of school and neighbourhood. And if these are kids who are used to having access to the same sorts of things as their peers, and they suddenly loose that because their family can't afford it, they are now going to be kids who are constantly on the outside looking in, and thats not a nice place to be for anyone, but especially for kids. Especially kids who have had it before.

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