WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:40pm
No, I didn't say that, I just said that their theory was not accurate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:40pm
On $80k, with no mortgage, in a home in the $350,000 ballpark, the difference would be - sell home and give up things that we live vs keep home and maintain lifestyle. With the mortgage paid off, maybe even an increase in lifestyle would be possible. After a family tragedy that might be a nice thing - to have some extra money. At little something to help pick up spirits after the loss of a spoues/parent. Rather than having that loss be compouned by the loss of a whole pile of other things that were familiar and enjoyed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:44pm
The whole blood-and-sweat-of-generations-of-my-ancestors-are-in-this-soil-we-tilled, and-now-we-will-no-longer-be-identified-as-farmers-of-this-land factors.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:44pm
What do you consider "suburbia" - to me it means living on the outskirst of an urban area.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:46pm
Huh? I'm not following. My point is I don't view it "odd" or negatively in any way that any person would feel significant loss to the point of "trauma" when things associated with our childhood or whatever it represents are sold.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:48pm
What does he do?
Mondo Mom

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:48pm
No. Don't be silly. Are the children not still with Mommy? Do they really need anything else, at 13? Its not like a 13 year old still involved in ballet and equestrian sports has likely achieved or accomplished anything in those areas. Don't be silly. Tots aren't attached to anything, really, but parents. And they still have one. Come on, do you not realize the little ones were merely giving up a 1/2 hr ballet and a 1/2 hr horsey riding lesson/wk. Its not like it was anything - major - in their lives. Family is all that counts at that age. All they really want is Mommy - no house can be too small for the tots if Mommy is in it, afterall. Yes, maybe when the kids are 35 or 40, you might need to consider the importance in their lives of something other than Mommy. But the children at 13 are far too young to really require anything, or to have anything really meaningful, not parent centric, going on in their lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:51pm

Oh I agree - my next door neighbor married right out of college and had a baby 9 mths later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:52pm
But if she moved somewhere where $37,000 was a reasonable living wage, she probably wouldn't be making $37,000 anymore. Wages tend to go down with COL. (I know from experience)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:53pm

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Yes, you're right. I was naive in thinking I could raise a topic about WOH and kids without implying anything about SAHM. I don't know whether you were able to read my OP. I can't get my computere to bring it up anymore. But I included something about not wanting it to be about SAHMs. Some posters "jumped on my case" anyway.

My OP wasn't supposed to be about comparisons. I raised a fairly modest, noncontroversial point about how I thought I might be helping my kids learn something about financial independence through WOH. So far, that has been my experience, and I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way about their WOH or someone else's, perhaps. I thought it would be a tiny, short thread.

I do have a lot of respect for SAHPs. Especially because I don't think I would be capable of it myself. I've only been a SAHP for a total of about 2 years when my DDs were babies, so I have little experience with SAHP. But there are quite a few in my town, and they work very hard as SAHPs. They provide a great deal of enrichment at my DDs' schools, and my DDs benefit. I thank them for that whenever I can.

I think the problem might be my English is not good. English is not my native language. I have been speaking it for about ten years, but my written English is not idiomatic yet. So it's easy to misinterpret.

Sabina

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