WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:53pm
You miss my point. The extent of one's feelings from the loss, whether sadness, nostalgia, difficulty or trauma depends on the degree of connection one feels for the thing. You don't have to have that kind of extensive history to feel trauma over the loss of it. I don't know what PnJ's history of her home life in that house was. But I can understand how the loss of it could feel traumatic.. More so than sadness, difficulty or nostalgia. The degree of her connection to the place is obviously substantial. There's nothing odd about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 3:56pm
Yes, I do think its that bad. That would be becasue I have children who are actually involved, and have accomplishments and achievements in areas of life that are not defined specifically by family. The kids were 13, unless I misread. Most likely quite accomplished in their ballet and equestrian persuits. Probably had been a big part of their lives for a long time. On the family income under consideration, I'm thinking the horse was not bought as a toy for a tot by over indulgent parents. It was most likely provided in order to let a child continue to persue an activity which the child loved, in which the child had already shown promise and achievement and potential for success. Probably causing some sacrifice somewhere else. Kids actually do develop interests and attachments outside the family that mean an awful lot to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:00pm
I do think it is odd to be so attached to really, any "thing," that some one else no longer possessing it, for perfectly good reasons, would cause an adult "trauma."
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:01pm
In my world, you just don't ditch a $350,000 house and downsize to a jazzi condo - maybe with a pool even! That jazzy condo costs more than the house! Especially something that would be comfortable for a mom with two teens - a 3 bedroom condo - who had social lives and might want some space in which to have friends over, listen to music, whatever. Especially in the same area. And yes, 13 year olds care about friends. 13 yr olds who were heavily into ballet and equestrian would have had alot of friends in those areas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:01pm

My MIL now has 2 masters from a college that costs $650 per credit.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:03pm

<>

I'm sorry, but when you say something like this, dismissing the opinions of people because they experienced trauma in childhood, you are going to be debated. Such a strong attachment to an object, in the absence of any similar feelings about people, is hardly evidence of a utopian childhood.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:04pm

Grew up on a little island anchored in the SF East Bay. I jogged and/or walked on the beach every day through all of high school, college and well into my adult life.

Went to school at an East Bay university that overlooked the SF Bay. Spent many hours on the hill reading and staring off into the vast horizon.

Routinely visited the ocean throughout my adult life in order to "clear my head."

Walked my entire pregnancy on the beach.

Walked the entire first year of my son's life with him in the snuggly on the beach.

Moved to the East Coast. I live one half hour from the Atlantic Ocean. Now I routinely take DS and the dogs for walks on the beach.

Without the ocean near me, I would die. It's my soul. I wouldn't give it up for anything -- not even so I could SAH. I hope DS feels the same when he grows up.

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:06pm
Human emotions are rarely ever that simple. It's so much more than the "thing." And no amount of logic can extinguish that sense of loss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:08pm

What are you wishing to debate?


My blissful childhood?


How wrong I am to have the feelings I do about my childhood?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:09pm

And my point is that it's not the trauma associated with the sale of the home that is so odd. What's odd is the absence of any such strong feelings associated with acutal relationships. Friends move, pets die, kids leave beloved teachers behind, grandparents die, loves are not requited, friendships realign.

It's odd to me that someone would claim to get through childhood without any of those formative experiences.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.

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