WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:23pm
That took place when you were 21? Why would it come as a traumatic shock at age 21 that you were not a child any more?


Edited 2/11/2005 4:28 pm ET ET by cocoapop
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:29pm
I hate when people do this *well growing up I had to walk 10 miles, barefoot, in a snowstorm, to school. So I'm sure my kids, who've never walked two feet in the snow without boots and who get dropped off at school everyday, even when there is no snowstorm, will be just fine walking 10 miles in the snowstorm to school if they ever have too, to. Just like I was*
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:29pm
How on earth would you know *what* she lost? To you it is just a house. Of course, you have no emotional connection to it. Her loss appears to go beyond losing some wood. The fact that it makes perfect sense that the house should be sold doesn't take away from the sense of loss. And who says she doesn't have a sense of perspective about the whole thing. The fact that you feel a great swell of emotion over a loss that was logical to lose means you have no sense of perspective?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:35pm
I must be very accepting today - I get both your attachment to your childhood home and CP's attachment to pets. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:36pm
"To you it is just a house. Of course, you have no emotional connection to it." Said just like I haven't lost things to which I had a strong emotional connection. Traumatized by the loss of any of them? No.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:37pm
So?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:39pm
Oh, I "get" attachment to one's home. What I don't get is "trauma" over someone selling it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:46pm

To recap for the board's amusement,


1.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:48pm
I agree. Loss of property falls squarely into that bin of *potential cause of grief*. Along with other losses like death of loved one, loss of job, divorce, loss of opportunity, loss of ability, loss of lifestyle, and all of lifes other potential losses. Thank goodness these losses don't floor everyone, everytime. Or no society could function. But they all have the potential. And its the very fact that you never really know which one will get who when, that makes them so worthy of consideration. Personality has something to do with it - but so does circumstance. I don't think its very wise for a parent, particularily a parent of something older than tot, to conclude *I know loss of our home isn't going to send me into any grief stricken tail spin, so of course it won't do that to my kids either* A parent considering inflicting any major loss, anywhere, on a child would do well to consider the possibility that the child will experience a true loss, and at least be prepared to deal with it if it goes down that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:51pm

And I don't find that odd in the least. Look, everyone deals with loss differently. Some even deny it's even a loss in the first place. Some really lose their sense of perspective and slit their wrists or check out of life in other ways. That's not odd either, tragic but not odd. It's just humanity. We all run the gamut. It's a big universe. Individual results will vary.

And I never meant to imply that you haven't lost anything.

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