WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:55pm
It sounds as if it is your contention that first time parents are always ineffective.I don't agree that having experience necessarily makes one a good parent. There are a lot of parents with raised dysunctional kids to prove that point. I am the one who is most qualified to love my children the most. Maybe you aren't, that's fine too.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:55pm

It's otherwise known as the "Tight Vagina Contest."

Comes up every now and then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:55pm
Good. Then to make the scenario fit you, lets say she has $100,000 insurance and a $12,000/yr income. Or something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:59pm

That all depends on how one manages their finances, but when DH was making less than that (gross) we could have afforded all of the above. Granted, we wouldn't have been able to completely pay for our children's college educations, but we could have helped. And yes- that includes sports. But, at least around here, one needn't spend oodles for their kids to play games ;) Unless one wants to try to get them into the pros or get a sports based scholarship... :)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:04pm

Necessities are technically the same for everyone- food, clothing and shelter. It is our "wants" that determine (subjectively) what exactly that means in order for us to be comfortable. Some people ridiculously assume that they need a beachfront 3000 sq ft home with horses, ballet, dozens of sports etc. when that is far from the case.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:15pm
LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:17pm

"In short, you're a better mother and infinitely more logical." Huh? No. In short, we're two very, very different people. (You may be forgetting that you tell me about every ten minutes that I'm aberrant. And often I agree.)

You yourself said you were a people pleaser, not afraid to say so, and gave a spirited defense of the efficacy, yea, near necessity of being so. (I just don't agree.) You were saying it made one "unpresentable" to be seen without makeup. (I just don't agree.) I don't believe I ever said I was way involved with my son's education - I believe actually YOU made a very snotty comment about what a shame it was that SAHMs who know more than the child's teachers didn't bother to teach. (I don't know if you're a slacker with your children's education or not - you certainly would seem to have a different approach than I do, though, if you see it as meddling to ask a teacher what the educational value might be of asking them to lie as part of their homework.) Yes, I do find your reaction to the sale of your parents' house odd, but it was what it was and I don't question that. (Not sure why not having everyone be able to relate to that is disturbing you.) Am I happy with the posts I've been making to you of late? I don't see any reason why I should be unhappy with them any more than you should be unhappy about the ones you make to me. Can you give me one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:22pm

Your post just confirms, once again, that it isn't the present life that is the issue, but the importance placed on those things in the past life that is the issue.


Of course the children will miss those htings. Of course they'll be sad. But they'll survive. And I suspect they'll survive quite well.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:24pm

Oh! Silly me. Here I thought I was discussing what seems to be a substantial split in opinion on the board, and I was really saying I'm better than everyone. Oh. That makes sense. Only, not. I don't get it why she's upset, and I find it kind of insulting to people who have suffered a loss like the death of a loved one or abuse to speak as if the sale of a house is a situation which causes similar devastation, but you think that shouldn't be questioned. Fine. But so what?

How is it that you're not touting how you're really more human (and therefore superior)?




Edited 2/11/2005 5:31 pm ET ET by cocoapop
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 5:34pm
"I don't think its very wise for a parent, particularily a parent of something older than tot, to conclude *I know loss of our home isn't going to send me into any grief stricken tail spin, so of course it won't do that to my kids either*". Yeah. But does that apply when child is not only not a tot, but a grownup living elsewhere?

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