WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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Oy. Vey. Shmeer. I wasn't commenting about you at all.
I don't spend much time on these boards anymore to make any judgments as to what people are doing. I've noticed patterns in the 7 years I've been here. The TVC pattern is alive and well and has demonstrated itself many, many times. Whether you fall into it or not, beats the hell out of me, and I don't care.
I think you should question whatever the heck you want. It's a free country, and I am the poster girl for the 1st Amendment.
I simply don't find human feelings, emotion, trauma, nostalgia WTF, and whatever to be odd. It's feelings. Whether it makes me more or less of anything to acknowledge it, who gives a rat's frickin arse. That's for the Universe to decide.
And what sort of debt do they have? How much of a mortgage/rent payment? What other expidentures do they routinely run into? I'm also in the suburban Cleveland area, and yes- one *can* maintain a nice living on that amount. Heck, we had a nice living back in Pittsburgh where our COL was *higher* than it is here and on far *less* than 37,000. We didn't have children at that time, but we *could* have and still maintained our style of living. Of course, we don't go in for an expensive/ lifestyle either, and live well within our means, so I'm sure that's part of it ;)
Wytchy
True it is how you manage your finances.
PumpkinAngel
No, it shouldn't apply in terms of what the parents should do at that point. Did someone say it should? The point would be, it can be traumatic even after a child isn't living there - why not? And should certainly not be discounted as a major source of trauma for a child living at home, regardless of how the parents expect to be affected.
More. You know, why I do consider it at worthwhile thing to do, to do things that would put me in a better, rather than worse, position financially, if I ended up divoreced? Its because I absolutely don't expect to get divorced, and I certainly don't want to. Given that, I'm sure I'll be an emmotional disaster after the fact. Quite frankly, I think it makes good wise mature sense to do what I can to minimize what sources of predictable stress I can. Because one just does not know what exactly, when caught in emmotional upheavel, will affect one. It could be that the idea of loosing the stupid house is going to cause me coniptions at that point, and if I have the option of keeping it, some chance to decide where I wanted to take lifestyle hits, that could be a very good thing. Sometimes merely having some choice in a matter, is what keeps a potential loss from causing tail spin and grief and depression And finances just plain do set one up to have alot more options in terms of what losses will be inucrred. Hard. Cold. Truth. Lack of control over a situation, lack of options, do alot to turn *unhappy* and *discontented* into *grieving* and *depressed*.
No...I don't think they are.
PumpkinAngel
I wasnt looking to bash you, but I will say that your terminology surprised me. To be *traumatized* over the loss of an inanimate object, one that you no longer lived in and didnt really own, seems a bit....theatrical. And you
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
He's a computer geek. He does everything from programming to networking to administration to hardware/software etc. etc. etc. Basically, if it has to do with technology in just about any form, he can do it. Currently he works for the county government where he builds/maintains the system they use for information sharing- such as the database the cops pull up when they pull someone over.
Wytchy
Demographics again. My girlfriend bought a 1200 sq ft 3bd 2 ba townhouse (brand new) for 125K last year. No garage, but other than that its really nice, spacious, and in a great area.
The point being, downsizing to a smaller home is certainly not the end of the world for most people. The woman in question was a financial idiot who had no clue about money, they were living beyond their means, and she considered herself a *princess*. Her situation has nothing to do with her work status, and everything to do with personality flaws.
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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