WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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First of all, I am not talking of my personal situation. We make a very nice income- significantly more than the amount being discussed, and have more-than-adequate savings, college plans, retirement funds, investments etc. as well as a solid financial plan should something happen where DH were unable to work. We have, however, lived on -far- less in the past and have friends who are doing so currently so I know what can and cannot be done on an income of around 40,000 with and without children.
***Over the last 6 months, out of pocket expenses for the new baby were over 5K***
Were you paying out alot for medical expenses? Or purchasing alot of new 'things' like furniture, clothing, stuff etc.? Formula feeding maybe? Disposable diapers perhaps? ;)
***But his earnings will make the difference between a rock solid retirement, assistance in funding school for the girls, and paying off the house quickly.***
And for some people things like that are more important than others. While I agree that such things *are* important, some people find other things, like being there on a full time basis for their children, to be moreso. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with *not* thinking the way I do LOL! Just that different people have dfferent priorities.
***I have a very different take on things than you- my Mom didn't work when I was young, and my family payed for it. I want to stop that cycle, right here, and right now.***
Yes, we do definately have different perspectives. My mom was at home with me and IMO it was the best gift she could have ever given me. I wouldn't have traded that for all the free rides to college, ballet lessons, horses, "niceties" etc. in the world.
Wytchy
But COL goes together with locally available amenities, like natural setting, schools, transportation, and all the rest. And each location has a different balance. Some have a relatively lower COL together with fewer other good reasons to live there, while other places have a higher COL and much more to offer.
If having a SAHP is the paramount concern for a family, then that becomes the main factor to be weighed against local COL. But if the SAHP thing is no more important than other considerations, then choosing where to live becomes a more complicated set of trade-offs.
And just because someone chooses to have more than the basic necessities does not mean they're "spoiled." It means they have *different* priorities in their lives.
Just because one chooses to live on 100,000 in a high COL area rather than 40,000 in a lower COL area, that is nothing to look down on. It's life-style choices. And *different* priorities. Having a SAHP is not a *better* priority or more noble than having WOHPs, it's just *different.*
$40,000 in the Washington DC area will qualify your* children for reduced or free meals, rent subsidies and many other welfare programs. A couple working 40 hours a week a McDonalds would make more than $40,000.
* universal 'your'.
You sure read alot into my post. No, I would not put my "soul" over putting food on the table for my DS. As you can see from my screen name, I'm a writer. My soul is my writing -- I love to write. And I make a very good living at it -- enough so I don't have to consign myself to $37K a year subsisting on "basic necessities" in a place that would make me extremely unhappy.
mom_writer
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
Okay, "suspiciously good" - that is vague to me. I have never seen that phrase before. You'll have to explain it to me.
My first languages were German and French. I always studied English at school when I lived in Germany, but English is complicated, and one does not really get it until one lives in the US. Even then, I find it takes a long, long time to work with the fine points. I've been here 15 years and sometimes I struggle.
It's that there are so many ways to say the same thing. Like, "near miss". Does it mean you almost missed, or you almost didn't?
So, you don't believe me lol. You know, I've read a lot on this board. It seems to me that no one has a problem complaining about nuance (I know that word because it's French) or saying *that's not what I meant*. It's a big preoccupation. Mostly native English speakers, I'm sure.
But thank you for the compliment. With practice, I'll continue improving.
Sabina
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