WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 12:59pm

I'll vehemently disagree here. A good education is not

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 1:10pm

Were you paying out alot for medical expenses? Or purchasing alot of new 'things' like furniture, clothing, stuff etc.? Formula feeding maybe? Disposable diapers perhaps? ;)


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Medical expenses, entirely.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 1:50pm

OK Wythchy.


Let's turn the tables. Your DH decides to be the SAHD, tomorrow.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 2:38pm

An hour commute is reasonable?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 2:40pm
I found that odd too. She is so intent on having a sahp, so obviously parent/kid time is imprtant ... but I guess an additional 10 hours a week *isn't* important?

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 2:45pm

One could ask you the same thing....what would happen where you could no longer afford to sah?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 2:46pm

Well attachment, sure. But *trauma*? I mean trauma to me implies being EXTREMELY upset/distraught, etc. I can understand being a bit SAD if one's parents sold the childhood homestead. But I am not quite understanding that its something to be considered *traumatic*.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 3:02pm

<>


Uh....the majority of the people I know regardless of income are doing just that, they are using 401K's, IRA's and other vehicles for retirement.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 3:03pm

***Absolutely! It's beyond debate. Even if one is willing to take on the risk of financial instability, that's a valid choice. After all, we're not talking about depriving anyone of basic necessities but rather of living out one's *values*.***

Some around here seem determined to make it out to be a detriment or an irrational choice. Thus the debate :) Some disagree with the concept of financial risk being any moreso than in a dual wohp household.

***No, I must admit, I didn't read quite all your posts. This thread has become unmanageable. We should think about starting parallel threads when they get over 500-600 posts.***

*Chuckle* Yes- I agree ;)

***I'm 50 years old, and I have met SAHP parents in the US and elsewhere for whom it is not even a question. From all income levels. I find it odd that one should have to defend such a choice.***

Well, here in the US it seems that some feel that women have to/should "do it all" and all at the same time and can't understand why some women feel that parenting on a full time hands-on basis is important. Some go as far as to view sahp's as "lazy" or "financially clueless" just because they aren't in the paid workforce.

***I was just pointing out that some locations seem to be more welcoming to SAHP on, shall we say, a shoestring, than others.***

True.

***Some places are way expensive without actually offering as much in the way of support for rich family life. While other places are more affordable but still offer decent things for families.***

I agree.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 3:07pm

<>


Sure...that's why so many things you think are *wants* have become necessities in my life.


One could also state that you being a sahm is a want and is not a necessity at all either.

PumpkinAngel

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