WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:20pm
I missed the post where she said she was 21 when her parents sold their house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:23pm

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Comfortably is a subjective term - what is comfortable to one is not necessarily comfortable to another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:26pm

Then we would plan to make it happen. (Although he'd never make that decision. His profession is more of a "calling" to him than a career LOL ;) Since it would be a decision and not a necessity, we would plan it out and within a year or two it could be done without tapping our savings or investments. I would finish off my university requirements and get one of the various jobs that I've already been offered in our area. If I chose to remain in my chosen profession- then we would take a hit in income, but it would be do-able. If I took a couple of years longer and transferred my credits to another field, I could pick up the difference in income but we might have to relocate, depending on what field I went into. Or, we could move back to Pa and I could work with and eventually take over the business my father owns. That is, assuming, that we both agreed to that situation. I would prefer that we both worked part time (do-able for our situation) or that DH set his own hours and worked from home in his own business (again, do-able).

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:30pm

For many people it is. DH has a 45 min-1hr commute.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:30pm

It is all a matter of risk as I said previously. Others on the board have heard me mention my friends with an ideological stay at home mother. They went without health insurance while her DH was unemployed. They depended on the charity of others to have money for groceries and money for the mortgage. They are still paying the price financially for the period of time he was unemployed. They are behind on retirement funds and have no college savings for the kids. They had to buy a house when they moved for his new job that was half the square footage of their previous house. Now, they live in a 1300 square feet home for

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:31pm
I'm afraid I will have to disagree. We have lived quite comfortably on less than that for several years. (Although we have only been a family of four for one year) Of course, I am gathering your itemized list of costs must be for your area because I spend much less than that on most of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:36pm

What you're still failing to grasp is that I am not "so intent on having a sahp". I am saying that it can be done if one makes certain choices and their priority is *to* have a sahp. It's a matter of priority and preference. If someone feels it more important to take a bit longer a commute in order to live in an area where their money goes further because they desire to have one spouse be a sahp, IMO there is nothing wrong with that. You seem to think that there is. Why *is* that? Do you always have such a difficult time respecting the choices of others?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:43pm
And for many people it isn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:48pm

Where do you get that I don't respect others' choices. I haven't said a SINGLE disparaging word about SAH in this thread or on this board. I simply disagree that 1 hour is a reasonable commute. And taking those extra 10 hours from children seems incongruous with your other statements. It's the inconsistency that bothers me, not your choice to SAH.


I *was* a SAH for some time. Why would I do it if I didn't respect it as a valid choice?

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:53pm

I don't disagree that it *can* be done, but to suggest that someone just up and move to a lower COL simply b/c SAH is a priority, isn't always going to be reasonable.

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