WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:59pm

<

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:01pm

I agree with you about the long commute, but it is quite common in the DC area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:06pm

I just asked DH his thoughts on the issue because I wanted to give you a complete answer. If it were necessary, we would downsize- our preference. He would have to take quite a hit in income or become unemployed and unable to find another job for that to be the situation though, which is very unlikely. If it were necessary for me to work outside the home, I would have no problem doing so, but we've planned so that would be highly unlikely. Between DH's career field/experience/skills, our choice of location, our financial planning, choosing a home far below what we *could* have afforded (but still nice) etc. it would take quite a bit to make it *necessary* for me to be a wohp. Homeschooling is important to us, so *one* of us would have to be home in order to do that. If it weren't for that, I'd probably get a woh job after the kids were in school, just as something to do. (During school hours). It's not like I have anything *against* woh, it's just that for us, we find some things more important. Granted, if DH were to die, I'd be a wohm out of necessity, but with our planning, I would keep the house if I wanted, go back to school and finish what I need to finish to get into the workforce and with some strategic investments of the insurance money after paying off the house/car, we wouldn't have to make many changes to our lifestyle. (Other than the kids going from homeschool to public school.) While we both feel that a sahp is important for our kids, we're not ignorant to the financial realities of life. We're not going to move the family to the ghetto just so that one of us can be home :)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:19pm
And I find it sad that so many people are afraid of the big bad world out there.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:24pm
What about divorce? That would almost certainly make it necessary for you to WOH ...

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:49pm

***Uh....the majority of the people I know regardless of income are doing just that, they are using 401K's, IRA's and other vehicles for retirement.***

So you are that knowledgeable on the details of the finances of "the majority of people you know"? ;)

For us, were we to be in the financial situation of living on that amount, what would have happened was that I would have stayed home until the children were school aged and then forgone homeschooling to take a job during school hours.

***Please tell me all of your eggs aren't in one basket***

Certainly not ;) We have a very adequate and varied retirement plan, thank you for your concern.

***Anyway you can give me a fictional budget to wrap my accountant brain around?***

40,000 (take home appx. 2000/mo.)

Assuming no debt.

Home (mortgage or rent) 560 (28%)
Property tax 10 (1000/yr)
Car (assume no car pmt.)
Ins. 100 (home/vehicle/s)
Fuel 50
Utilities 250
Phone (Vonage) $25
Groceries 150
Medical/dental ins 100 (company)
co-pays (medical- assuming full coverage, no deductible for necessary in-network services) 100
Savings, investments (college/retirement) 400
Incedentals/ "fun" money appx 200

(Assume breastfeeding/cloth diapering/sahp (no daycare), so no ongoing childcare expenses) This is, obviously for a situation with small children.

Does that help?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:56pm

***Sure...that's why so many things you think are *wants* have become necessities in my life.***

Then you of all people should understand the difference between 'want' and 'need'. How odd that you don't seem to.

***One could also state that you being a sahm is a want and is not a necessity at all either. Correct?***

Absolutely. But then, I've never said otherwise. :)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:59pm

And because you know quite a few people in that position you somehow think that makes it the case for everyone or most people nationally?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 8:06pm

<>


Very true....but a child still NEEDS a good education to move forward in life.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 8:11pm
I find it highly amusing that you have continuous complaints about the posters, our unwritten rules and what not...but yet you keep coming back...
PumpkinAngel

PumpkinAngel

Pages