WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:59am

I live in an "in-between" area from you and those in the mid-west or south where prices are indeed lower.

We live in the "da sticks" one hour north of Boston. Our house payment is $1700 a month. When we rented, we paid $1200 for a three bedroom house. The house payment does not include the expenses we put into upkeep (ie: $200 last month for busted furnace; $6K for new septic last Fall, $2K needed for new water softener, $7K needed for new roof). It also doesn't include property taxes -- $4K a year. We put 20% down on the house; it cost $179K in 2001. It has appreciated to $225K. It is a very small house with a standard sized lot for our area.

We don't pay for water or garbage but we do have to pay for oil. We pay upfront each September for the winter. Cost this year: $1,500 in cash for enough oil to last until April 30. Then we pay month to month until it's warm enough to turn off the heat.

I pay about $100 a week, give or take, for food. That includes meat, produce, and dairy. It does not include cleaning supplies, which run about $25 a month.

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:03am

And you're spoiled for *needing* to belong to a church. Don't you know you can forego tithing (and whatever else you pay to belong) and just pray and read your bible at home? You don't *need* spiritual fulfillment, fellowship, or spiritual guidance.

Nope. You are just spoiled.

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:11am
Just saw your edit which for some reason appears when I read it but not when I try to respond. In any case, it says I should go on, because I'm making quiet mom look "sympathetic." Might you explain why you would even want "sympathy" from either quiet mom or myself, or anyone, for that matter, WRT your position on the necessity of makeup wearing, people pleasing, staying out of your child's education, or the sale of your parents' house some 18 years ago? (And furthermore, what any of that has to do with one's logic or mothering?)
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:23am

Your rent, utilities, and food are a bit high. Drop rent to $500, utilities to about $150, and food to $100. It's still not a lot of money, but it's doable.


Also, people's definition of "comfortable" varies. I wouldn't be comfortable cutting it that closely, but some people might.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:40am

Okay, I have to butt in here.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:45am

If there are no savings, how do they manage an emergency or even a normal but unexpected expense (a new transmission)?

I wasn't clear. I know a family can live on $37k. My gripe is with "comfortably". It's a bare bones existence that comes undone at the first unexpected expense. For the OP to claim that she wouldn't have had a problem doing it is dismissive and unrealistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:47am

You realize that I didn't include a single dollar in that budget for credit cards or any other debt maintenance?

As I just typed to savcal, I know it can be done. I know how it can be done - I grew up in a housing project. I don't agree and no one can convince me that it can be done comfortably or without sleepness nights worrying about the next unanticipated expense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:49am

Sure they do, but they're poor, not "comfortable".

And I'd love to know how everyone is getting this dirt cheap insurance. Is it only major medical? What are the deductibles and co-pay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:51am
Also, I worked for the federal government in 1982. I was single and I paid considerably more in insurance than that. It was roughly $250 a bimonthly pay period.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:51am
Again, it doesn't have to be a life of waiting for another shoe to drop.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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