WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 11:52am

I agree with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:05pm

I hear ya.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:35pm
I can't figure this out. Do you have a need to feel pity for people with less money? Do you really think that anyone who makes little money (at leasy IYO) is always scraping by and has a terrible existance? I just don't get it. People DO live comfortably on less. Sorry you don't believe it. Maybe others are just comfortable with less? All these discussions have included 5% savings, so I would assume that they could buy a transmission with that savings if it came up. (shrug) We were scraping by when dh's take home was $1480/month. More than twice that now, sorry, not scraping anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:44pm

About home ownership- no, not necessarily. But the original situation was the woman who downsized from 110,000 to 37,000 after the death of her husband, which for her necessitated a move. It wasn't specified as to whether housing costs were a mortgage or rent. In either case, going back to the original discussion (as it's gotten SO far off topic) if they had purchased an affordable home, managed their finances wisely, lived without debt and paid it (the home) off with the life insurance payout, they wouldn't have *had* a mortgage or rent.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:47pm

>>eople DO live comfortably on less. Sorry you don't believe it. Maybe others
well said.....you know, I have been a sahm since my middle dd was born. His income was about 1/3 of what it is now but we still lived comfortably because of how we chose to prioritize (be it size of home or choice of clothing or choice of staying home on a Saturday night instead of spending money on a sitter etc.)........I have a friend i/r/l who tells me once her DH makes enough, she'll stay home.

I guess it's all relative on how you define sacrifice and priority.




Edited 2/13/2005 12:52 pm ET ET by mom3texas
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:55pm

Around here rent is typically cheaper than or equal to a mortgage. Depending on what/where one is renting and whether it's a new building or not. Around here, 2br 1.5bath apartments can be had for about 500/mo. Of course, one can find them for as much as one wants to spend as well ;) Decent houses in family friendly neighborhoods can be found for around 100,000, making a mortgage appx. the same- $500/mo. (Assuming a downpayment of 10,000 making the loan 90,000.) One won't be living a Wisteria Lane existance (Desperate Housewives ;) but one would have a solid home in a safe family oriented area.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:58pm

Yes- each way. DH drives a short way to the Park and Ride and takes the bus downtown. He leaves around 6am (he's an early bird) and gets home around 4pm.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:58pm

NOTE:

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:01pm
Well go right ahead and feel sad, but that really has nothing to do with anything I said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:05pm

***Would you go on welfare? Wic?***

We would never have to thanks to our planning. But if it should happen that it for some rare reason would become a necessity, I might consider it for the time it would take me to shore up my degree and get back into the workforce. But not just to sah, to go back and make myself more marketable.

***What would you do to insure that you have a sahp...the want to have a sahp, because its really not a need....and how is that any different than some of us turning our wants into needs?***

Again, I've never said that having a sahp *was* a need. In fact, I've been very clear that it's *not*. I don't know how you're not understanding that, or why you're trying to twist my posts into that idea. *puzzled* I've already said that we'd be willing to downsize and if need be send the kids to public school rather than homeschooling. Beyond that it really would depend on the specific situation. Do you have any examples in mind? We've already discussed the issue of death, divorce, loss of DH's job or salary cuts... What else do you want to hypothesize?

Wytchy

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