WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:59pm

>>What exactly is choice income anyway
you rebuted my reply that I would sah *regardless* of what my dh income was. you chose to rebute it with some suggested question of what I would do if dh didn't have income at all. my reply again to you is that regardless of income, meaning regardless of some choice dollar amount, I would sah.

DH and I chose, before we had children, that I would stay at home. That didn't mean he needed to make 25K, 35K or 3X that much first!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:00pm

No, you didn't make the same point. . .you changed your post to say that people define sacrifice and priority differently (the entire point of my reply to your post), when it originally said something much more judgemental and indiciative of a 'my way of sacrificing is the right way' line of thought.


And yes, I'm sure you are sorry I 'caught' your edit.


Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:07pm
SIGH...what you aren't understanding is that some of us have and/or DO live on that amount of money....or less.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:09pm
virgo has me paranoid about using the *edit* button so I thought I'd clarify the choice DH and I made about sah. I *did* rtw after my first was born because I was blown away about the thought of sah f/t and I didn't even think I was good at it. It didn't work. I hated work, found no enjoyment in it anymore because of my preoccupation so I was able to change my schedule to p/t. After my second was born, I commited myself to f/t sahm. And haven't regreted it since. Would it have mattered if DH made 1/2 the money he does today or twice the money he makes today? No.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:11pm

<>


Well, let's see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:12pm
You might want to check out employee deduction rates for single federal employees these days (www.opm.gov). I'm paying just under $100/mo for mine which, excluding the past several months when I've been paying COBRA, is the most expensive insurance I've ever had. My last employer charged me just over $50/mo for my share of my health insurance.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:15pm
Well, try not to pass out from the shock, but you won't hear me disagree with you :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:16pm
My mother always said it didn't cost her anything to send my brother to college because what she paid in tuition
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:45pm

My US "home town" has an avg. pc income of $14K. Most people do OK on about twice that, in a 2-income family.

It helps that it is in a state where very few people pay property taxes on homes, and where there is a pretty decent state-run healthcare safety net. Hunting and fishing are a major recreational activity there, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:49pm

***Actually...yes. I am a corporate accountant by trade and know quite a few details of the finances of the majority of people I know, between their asking my advice or doing their taxes....yes I do. Your point?***

Quite a few details doesn't necessarily equal all of the details. Do they tell you how much they spend on movies, Starbuck's, other little charges and such that can add up to a significant financial dent? Regardless, being an accountant would give you a biased exposure to those who *are* looking to do such financial investing/planning- it doesn't mean that the majority of people out there are doing something just because you naturally run into more of those that *do* given your job. ;)

***Above the 37k you mentioned?***

If DH were making 37,000, then I would take a job once the children were school aged and work during school hours. Is that what you are asking?

***Assuming no debt. Don't remember that condition, but okay.***

We weren't discussing all of the details- we were discussing how one *could* live on around 40,000.

***Property tax 10 (1000/yr) Wow, that's pretty low. I live in a low tax area and our property tax and real estate tax is $3000/year***

Ours is 1200.

***I thought you said home and car payment?***

Where?

***How did they get the car?***

Many people save and buy cheap/used. I've gotten decent used cars on $1000 that have lasted me *years* with little to no significant maintanence. Of course, it helps that DH and his dad can fix most of the easier things that would go wrong, like changing their own brakes etc.

***Ins. 100 (home/vehicle/s) Only $1200 ayear for both...how many cars?***

We have two cars insured and our home and it works out to be around $100/mo.

***Fuel 50 With a two hour commute each day...no way.***

Yes way. One can live near public transportation, park and ride into work. DH has around an hour commute and he does this almost every work day with a monthly bus pass. Since one car is used for only about 10 miles each day and the other for trips around town, $50 for fuel is more than reasonable. Granted, I forgot to figure in the buss pass, so up that to $70/mo.

***Phone (Vonage) $25 our local service only is higher than this....its about 30/month with no long distance***

Check out www.vonage.com.

***Groceries 150 how do you feed a family of four on 150 a month? or 37.50 a week?***

With careful planning and cheap meal plans. Not the most fun, but it's doable if one is creative.

***Medical/dental ins 100 (company) okay But not many companies cover dental.***

No, they don't, but in our case, we are covered.

***co-pays (medical- assuming full coverage, no deductible for necessary in-network services) 100 a month or year?***

$100/mo. With kids I'm assuming that one would be making frequent visits. Our co-pays are $10 and we run about $40-$50/mo.

***Savings, investments (college/retirement) 400 in total? so 4800/year? for all three?***

Yes.

***Incedentals/ "fun" money appx 200 >> a week?***

No, per month.

***I can agree zero cost on the breast feeding....but you have to buy cloth diapers or pay a service.***

I bought/made and wash my own for around $200 total which can be used for multiple children.

***But you stated helping children in college...not young children..didn't you?***

No, I stated *saving* FOR college- to help, not to pay completely.

***What about life insurance?***

Offered through the company as a benefit or inexpensively via term life.

***What about clothes?***

Part of the $200/mo. 'fun/incedental' budget. Shopping at thrift/second hand stores and inexpensive venues such as K-mart/Fashion Bug etc., buying on clearance etc.

***What about repairs to the house?***

Many one can do themselves, (DH can fix just about anything that would come up around here- and frequently *has* ;) others can be taken care of via the savings.

***Internet?***

Home internet access isn't a necessity.

***not to mention you have changed the conditions.***

We never specified specific conditions in the first place and you mistook saving for college for helping college aged kids.

What other holes do you think you see?

Remember too that the original scenario was a widow with a downsized 37,000 income and a 350,000 ins payout...

Wytchy

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