WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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Most Americans, according to various financial sources, are living well beyond their means and accruing ghastly amounts of debt. It's the rare person who doesn't have debt beyond a house and car payment."
Actually, that's true. We don't have any debt beyond our mortgage...and we keep that for tax efficiency...we could pay it off 4 times over tommorow.
Not all American's spend every red razoo...though its true...most do.
***Actually, it's not true, then, if he's really a computer geek.***
Considering the fact that he has various people asking him to come work for them at least once a week- at increases to his current salary, yes, it is true in his case.
***For one thing, the time has long since passed when software computer geeks are completely hirable for hardware computer geek jobs;***
Since he has made himself so versatile, he is. While the market in general is as you say, he isn't the average tech guy ;)
***Second of all, you (as a family could not pick and choose "just anywhere" to go because too many places here on the east coast (and on the west coast as well, but I don't live there) seek people with very specific skills...and often times requiring a clearance as well.***
Which he has worked hard to acquire in order to make himself so versatile. Put it this way- he picked up a book on programming a couple of years ago, taught himself how to program and within a few months had created a program that he sells in the structural detailing field. He just rolled out a new information sharing program to replace one for the county that they had previously paid a company over 1 million dolars to create. When I say that he can do virtually anything having to do with technology, that's what I mean :)
***Your post may have been true in the 80s...and even into the mid/late 90s, but hasn't been true for quite some time--at least not in the DC, NYC, Boston, Silicon Valley, LA or San Diego areas.***
Considering that as recently as last month he was asked to come work for Microsoft, and job offers keep coming in, even when he's not looking, I think I know what I'm talking about- at least as far as *he* is concerned :)
Wytchy
Maybe it's not reasonable to you, but having lived in Pittsburgh and now Ohio, many of those I know do commute somewhere around the 1-hr mark. Heck, back in Ppgh unless you actually lived downtown you *were* looking at an hour commute- unless one worked outside of rush hour times. We lived about 10 miles outside of the city and it took DH at least an hour to get there/home. Or do you consider Pittsburgh Pa and Cleveland Ohio to be "big coastal cities"? ;)
Wytchy
There is your mistake. Where did I say anything about a typical situation? Did you miss where I talked about choosing where to live based on ones income and priorities? Did I ever once say that anyone located anywhere across the nation could live comfortably on 37,000 with just an hour commute? Your mistake is reading what you want to read into the posts rather than what I am actually saying. I am saying that options exist if one is willing to make changes, plans and *look* for them. NOT that those options are typical or simple for just anyone to have without said planning/changes.
Wytchy
***So just how sleep deprived IS your dh?***
With a 2-month old in the house? We're both fairly sleep deprived- but that has nothing to do with his commute time LOL!
***If your dh gets home around 4pm and has a 45 min to an hour commute, the EARLIEST possible moment he can leave work is 3:15pm. (or 1515 to make the visual math a bit easier on me). Subtract 8.5 to 9 hours (counting lunch, depending on 30 to 60 minutes) means he has to be AT WORK by 6:15 to 6:30am. And subtract an hour from THAT (commute time) means he has to leave the house around 5:15am. Which means he has to be UP by 4:15/4:30am.***
According to your time table. The reality of *our* situation is that DH gets up at 5-5:30, leaves around 5:30-6:00 and yes, leaves around 3:15pm. He works through lunch or takes a working lunch to do meetings- something easy to do in his job. He is salaried and generally makes his own schedule within the "9-5" ballpark. If he gets in later, he just stays later. No big deal. He is very efficient in his morning routine and is up and out within 20-30min or less.
***Now, if your child isn't going to bed until 9pm and presuming your dh isn't in b ed the very second your child is in bed.....just how much sleep is your dh getting?***
We actually *do* both go to bed at the same time as our son. Maybe a *little* later, but still- 10-5 is 7hrs of sleep.
Wytchy
Assuming that it's nationwide, my memory must be faulty.
Did I miss the reason for COBRA? Is everything ok?
Try reading back through my posts. I can't possibly begin to address this post when you have so grossly misunderstood what has been said previously.
Wytchy
Yet again....I never said it couldn't be done. No one, including you, has shown that it can be done "comfortably". Yes, if SAH means that much to a family they can live on the edge to accomplish that. They also will be wiped out by a few weeks without pay, a broken transmission, or any other normal but unbudgeted expense.
Then you and your friends were lucky.
And Melissa, I have been reading your posts for a long time. For most of that time things for you have not been "fine", including financially, and from what you write, you're now living on more than $37k
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