WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:39pm

LOL! We sure did- but now we're just dumbed down enough from that loss that it takes alot less for us to be mentally healthy! LOL We make do with less cuz less is all we got! LOL ;)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:46pm

Once again, I am surprised to read that my life is more difficult, in many ways, than those of the other posters here. NLOL.

An hourlong commute here is absolutely standard. DH takes a 45-minute boat to work, and that is considered the absolute easiest, most pleasant, gold-standard commute. Realy. I spent January driving 89 miles one way to my ft job every Monday (one of the many reasons why I left). In rush hour, it takes me at least an hour and a half to get to my client, whom I see once a week (a 15-mile drive). Granted, my client is on the other side of Boston from my suburb, and most people who work there live on that other side of the city. But still. An hour really isn't considered much of a commute.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:49pm
Even lowest rank military makes more than $12,000. Base pay for an E-1 under 4 months works out to over $13,000. Add in allowances (BAH, BAQ) and it is more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:49pm

That doesn't even make any sense. What...you only look one month ahead in your life EVER? When you look at raising your kids, do you only see 30 days out? it's EXCEEDINGLY pennywise and pound foolish to say, "gee, *this* month renting will be cheaper than buying, so let's rent this month. ..we'll put off buying for later (Because, apparently, we're morons....)"

That's just a stupid and aggregious dereliction of the stewardship of one's assets.

It simply isn't sensible to look at one's life and think, "okay, *next* month, renting will be cheaper, so I'll continue to rent another month." You should look at some long term benefits to what you are doing. "Okay, I could rent for the next 3 years and my rent will only ever go up. it' will NEVER stay the same; it will NEVER drop....or I could buy a home and maybe (MAYBE) it will be more expensive in the *short-term* but how long can I expect rents to remain less than my 30 year fixed rate mortgage? What do I expect rents to be in 30 years? And how will that compare to the mortgage I have NOW?"

Geez, a 2 to 5 year outlook on one's finances doesn't qualify as "long term value" by even the most generous definition of the term.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:50pm
But if everyone you know is doing it, too, it seems reasonable. From my 10-mile bike ride to school in Dublin, to my 4-mile walk in Dublin, to my 50-minute bus ride from NJ to New York, to my DH's current 45-minute boat ride to Boston, I have never, in 12 years of adult work life, had a commute shorter than 45 minutes, nor has DH.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:52pm
You don't get BAQ if you live in housing. And even the lowest ranking e-1 still has taxes deducted from his income.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:54pm

If one bought a reasonable home with low taxes, paid off the mortgage, had savings from 350,000 insurance (minus the house payoff) and managed that properly, one could most certainly afford to maintain the home. Here we pay 1200 in property tax which has remained pretty stable since we've been here (about 5yrs- 2 assessments) We bought a house well under what we could have afforded (128,000 when we could have gone to around 250,000). And as DH and his dad can replace major things like water heaters/furnaces etc. there is only the cost of parts rather than tacking on labor fees...

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:57pm

Cyducksmom mentioned military housing. . .while I can't speak for other services, the Army doesn't pay BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing, for those not fluent in militar-ese) if a soldier/military family lives in military housing.


It's been so long since we lived in military housing, that I don't remember what the 'rules' are about BAS (Basic Allowance for Subsistance- Separate Rations).


Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:58pm

Depending in traffic my commute is 7-10 mintues, my DH's is 10-25 mintutes. We live about the same distance from our places of employment but he goes into the traffic base and is employed by a large company, I go away from the traffic base and work for a small company so I have less traffic issues.

I know that many people do have long commutes the point I am trying to make is they do not choose those commutes because they want to spend that much time on the road but they spend that much time on the road because that is what is needed for the lifestyle they desire. If every thing were equal I think that very few people would choose a 1 hour commute over a 15 mintute commute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:04pm

So are you all just etched into stone, never to change? You and your dh will never age? Your dh's dad will live forever? Health will always be what it is, abilities will remain constant?

How......Flintstone-ish.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,

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