The board is slow, so I'm going to throw something out.
My kids are 14 and 12 and it's really difficult to find time in their schedules, I agree.
Are you a SAHM, and your DH WOH?
Yep, that's us...with five kids.
<When out kids were little we got alone time after they went to bed. As they got older and stayed up as late or later than I did we lost that. During their teen years we started running evening errands together to get some alone time. >
We're in the middle.
< I keep debating which would be a better use of my lunch break after I return to work: go to the baby's day care to nurse her every day (better for keeping supply up), or have lunch with my husband at least a few days a week >
When DS was still nursing, I nursed a few minutes when we got to childcare, and always nursed there, as soon as I picked him up.
I'm a PTWAH mom, but used to be a FTSAHM. Dh has always been very involved with our kids, even when he was traveling frequently.
I personally don't keep tabs on this kind of thing and never really thought much about it until the question came up in the other thread, probably because dh, being the WOHP, has always been active in our kids' lives.
However, to answer your question, dh gets alone time with the kids in a variety of ways. He takes them to school every morning, coaches their sports' teams, he plays ball with them outside, he takes the boys to swim practice (one swims, the other sits with him and gets extra reinforcement with what he's learning in class), they read together at night, he's taken all except our oldest with him on trips to San Fran to visit his family, they go on outings together to things like sporting events, movies, etc., he takes them on errands, and he's alone with them when I run errands, when I go out with my friends, etc.
IMO, it's not that hard for a WOHP to find alone time with his/her kids. Honestly, if I actually tried to break it down on a daily basis, WTE of our youngest who is still in preschool, I doubt I spend *that* much more time alone with our kids, even though I'm with them afterschool every day.
Dh and I have alone time every night after the kids go to bed. Plus, since he works right here in town, we go to lunch at least once every other week. We go out alone at night probably once every six weeks or so, sometimes more, sometimes less. We both like to cook, so we spend time in the kitchen together on weekends too.
i've never really thought about it.
I agree....with much of your post, in my experiences and those that I see of friends/family members and so forth, the wohp (and the sahp) is involved in the extra activities/sports and so forth....
....but the op specifically stated:
What if you already have something planned?
< i don't ask DH what days he's going to take the children someplace or what days he's going to take off work to be AH with them.