work or stay home? that is the question

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
work or stay home? that is the question
72
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:45am

I am a stay at home mom of 2 beautiful children.One is 3 and one will be 6 very soon and is in the first grade.for quite a long time i have been torn between staying at home or working and really don't know which way to turn.I sometimes feel that i am not contributing the way that i should and that feeling really gets to me, but at the same time my youngest only has to wait one more year before she is old enough to be accepted into the preschool program that is held in the same school building that my oldest child is in. i have been ridiculed people including certain in laws about my current decision to remain home a little longer. they can say a lot of not so nice things about me(ie:that i'm being lazy and being an unfit parent)neither of which are true because not only do i take care of everyone in my home but i'm teaching my 3 year old too.can someone please give me advice on what i should do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:20pm
With the added information that your husband has sometimes had to ask his parents for money when things get tight, then my answer changes. It is her business, because she is subsidizing you. And she may feel like she should not have to do that if you are capable of earning money. I do not plan on subsidizing my children once they are out on their own, although I would of course help them out in an emergency. But before I spend my retirement money on them, I would expect them to do whatever they could to help themselves, and that would not involve a SAHP if she were capable of working for more than daycare would cost.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 1:03pm

sorry but i have to disagree there. i don't but into their business and therefore they are not to but in to ours it's that simple.they too have been given money by us when they needed it and we never tried to put our 2 cents in their business.


one other thin i think that i need to clarify is that my guy and i are not married. we have a monogamous relationship and have had one for many years

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 1:12pm

i don't borrow money from her ,he does and it was usually for his nicotine habit which he is now quitting


and btw,i sense a pretty nasty tone to your replly,it is not his mom's business to tell me or him how to live . he is a full grown man and can make his own decisions and she is not my mommy.i already have one of thoes and she thinks that my staying home is far better than unintentionally putting my kids in a not so nice situation like putting them in the hands of a abusive or neglectful caregiver

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 1:17pm
my man's mother borrowed money from us on several occaisions and we never stuck our noses in and therefore demand the same kind of respect
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 1:39pm

"i don't borrow money from her ,he does and it was usually for his nicotine habit which he is now quitting"

I am guessing you mean cigarettes and/or chewing tobacco. If your man cannot afford a pack of smokes or a can of chew without borrowing money from his mom, I don't see how you can afford to NOT work.

melissajune21.jpg picture by ambersspace


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 1:55pm

If your man cannot afford a pack of smokes or a can of chew without borrowing money from his mom, I don't see how you can afford to NOT work.


Yep.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 1:56pm

If you are a sahm and technically unemployed and not married to the father of your children, how can you afford health insurance?

I know that there are many reason to get married or not, but for a sahp, marriage offers many distinct advantages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 2:09pm

my intent was not to tear you down.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 1:46am

Y'know what, I had a fairly long, supportive response to you, but I read what you wrote to several folks here, especially egd. You're never going to find ANYone more supportive of SAHMs than egd, and she certainly didn't post or suggest anything that was deserving of the response you gave her in post #25, so I deleted my response.

Egd deserves an apology from you.

************

Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz




Edited 9/12/2009 3:46 am ET by puss_boo_kay

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

Community Leader
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 3:40pm

"so knock off your nasty comments before i lose my class okay?!"

I think that ship has sailed.

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