work or stay home? that is the question

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
work or stay home? that is the question
72
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:45am

I am a stay at home mom of 2 beautiful children.One is 3 and one will be 6 very soon and is in the first grade.for quite a long time i have been torn between staying at home or working and really don't know which way to turn.I sometimes feel that i am not contributing the way that i should and that feeling really gets to me, but at the same time my youngest only has to wait one more year before she is old enough to be accepted into the preschool program that is held in the same school building that my oldest child is in. i have been ridiculed people including certain in laws about my current decision to remain home a little longer. they can say a lot of not so nice things about me(ie:that i'm being lazy and being an unfit parent)neither of which are true because not only do i take care of everyone in my home but i'm teaching my 3 year old too.can someone please give me advice on what i should do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 6:59am

Actually I agree with you, I don't believe that my DH and I do need to be married to have a loving committed monogamous relationship. HOWEVER, there are many laws that protect the married sahp that do not protect the unmarried domestic partner. I would be very hesitant to enter in that sort of unprotected state without my own income.

At my DH's employment, one has to be married or in a same sex domestic partnership to get "spousal" coverage. My state does discriminate against same-sex couples. It is in our Constitution. Unfortunately, my state is as forward thinking about same-sex couples as it was about integration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 11:12am
What's really funny is that so far, the only rude and insulting one is you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 3:58pm
Let's just hope her "man" is the high-maintenance type that's gonna take a lot of her time and attention.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 6:03am

I'm going to say this gently as a 43 year old single mom who's been divorced, is about to remarry next year and who has been a working mom for the past 10 years. I've been on this board for years. Adn there have been times it's gotten really horribly awfully ugly.

this was not one of those times.

In spite of some tremendous differences in our philosophies about parenting there is no greater champion of someone's desire to stay home with her kids than Eggsblessed. Her post to you contained her own experience which she offered as a way to relate and connect with you-- she was not rude, she was not insulting, she was not offensive. I've posted with her for years and while we have been on opposite sides of almost every debate on thing I can say about her is that she is first and foremost a lady.

you are new to this board and I hope you stay -- but maybe it might be wise to scroll through some debates for an idea of how we talk to each other. We are here to debate. that means we argue. sometimes hotly, often passionately but in the years i've been here I have found that the women i argue the most with are often the ones I learn the most from. I have grown to consider some of these women dear dear friends.

disagreeing with you is not being rude. offering a new perspective on a way to look at something is not being rude. suggesting a different line of thinking is not being rude.

many of your responses were however, quite rude. If that's your style that's fine. But one would do well to examine ones own posting style before flinging accusations at someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 7:21am

"you must think of how you post things before you post it"

And the reader must not always assume the worst and look at the post as though everyone is attacking her.

This phrase: "I did not sleep with your husband." Reading it without any emphasis has different meanings to different people. However, if you read it four times emphasizing a different word each time, the meaning changes starkly.

1) *I* did not sleep with your husband. (implies someone else did)

2) I did not *sleep* with your husband. (implies that one did something else with him,. like perhaps fishing)

3) I did not sleep with *your* husband. (but I did sleep with Jane Doe's)

4) I did not sleep with your *husband*. (but I did sleep with your sister)

Posting on a message board has problems with tone cannot be "heard". IME, it is best to assume the best and look at it agin to see what the poster was really saying. A "point of clarification" also helps too.

Also, just because someone disagree with what you are saying (aka debating, it does not mean that they are "attacking you". This is not a support board, it is a debate board.

(I learned the phrase in a college drama class.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 10:20am

Ewwww.

The mention of golden showers make big old preggo lady queasy. :-x

melissajune21.jpg picture by ambersspace


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 10:42am
I am *rolling* over here at the idea of you being high maintenance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 10:46am

her screen name has nothing to do with her marriage.


she's also about the most low maintenance person I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 10:50am
my comments were rude.you are right, but they were rude only in defense of certain
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 10:53am
first off i would like to say congratulations on your new addition to your family.secondly,i don't get what golden showers has do with anything posted here.that's pretty disgusting

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