Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 11:41am
Makes me wonder if someone's confused, either Mr. Ramsey or certain of his readership;

Sabina


Oh, lifeis a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea:


And love is a thing that can never go wrong; and I am Marie of Roumania.


Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 11:42am
I love to see classrooms organized around project based hands on learning, but I'm no fan of NCLB.

Sabina


Oh, lifeis a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea:


And love is a thing that can never go wrong; and I am Marie of Roumania.


Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 12:03pm

fortunately for the sake of society (what drama) having a sahm has nothing to do with it. there are as many crappy parents with sahms as their are wohm's. dont you really think that if it could be shown in any way that the children who grow up with a sahp actually gain something from it that is not available in any other way that a majority of families would find a way to have a sahp. what reality is is that having a sahp makes no difference in the outcome for the children. you have as many wonderful children coming from families with dual wohps as you do from families with a sahp and you have as many screwed up kids coming from homes with a sahp as you do from homes with dual wohp's. once again, i will ask, how do you know what is best for my children - i love how you continually refuse to address that simple question - but since the answer has to be that you cant possibly know i guess i see why you refuse - but it does make you assertion that all kids need a sahp a bit stupid.

by the way not seeing a reason or not wanting to do something are a far cry from thinking one couldnt do something. there are alot of things i dont do because i see no need but i certainly could do each and every one of them if i needed to
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:06pm

i don't think anyone can judge what is best for you,personally but isn't the opinion that the sake of society (in general) having "..nothing to do with sahps" is just as skewed? i think that is.......i think the ingredients that make up society is full of flavor and some of that does include the very truth that some kids are raised better because a parent did sah/because both parents worked - not better in comparison to the family in contrast,but better that what they would or would not have gained otherwise.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:32pm
Does he really think people should pay off their mortgage before saving for kids' college??? Or is the list in no particular order and all the things are suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:48pm

so in addition to just SAH because YOU sah, we now should adopt YOUR monetary plan because it's YOUR plan????

WHY in the world can't we just do it OUR way? Why can't you just say "hey, this is what worked for US", INSTEAD OF....you should do it this way too?

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:52pm

I don't know that much about it but I don't think I'm a fan either. I don't think we should be aiming for mediocre performance for everyone. We have to let our best and brightest excel if we're going to compete in a world wide economy.

I don't think you're going to find one system that meets both the needs of our kids who can excel and those who need to be brought up to a minimal functional level without separating kids by ability. Then teachers are free to concentrate on where a child needs to be.

In my dd's school there are two tracks. The gifted and standard tracks. This allows the teachers to concentrate on what the kids need. The gifted kids don't need to be working on the same things the other kids are. The special needs kids who are mainstreamed are placed in either class dependent on their needs. Some benefit from a more basic education and others benefit from the more inividual education in the gifted class. Kids are grouped by ability in each of the classes too but the gifted class can handle a child who is working entirely on their own as is the case for a boy with autism in my older child's class.

I think this school does a good job of meeting kids needs on all levels because of the grouping by ability. There's also a lot of movement between groups so kids aren't pigeon holed and they may be in different groups in different subjects.

They also help kids feel good about what they do know. An older child who needs to practice more basic reading will go read to the kindergarteners or work with the first graders as a mentor. Same for math. At first, I was skeptical about using the kids to tutor other kids but I think it helps everyone.

Unfortunately, because they work with the kids on their level, our school struggles with state tests. They will not push a child forward who is not ready even if it means a lower score for the school. So, NCLB is an issue for us but I think what they are doing is the right thing. You really need to build a strong foundation first and if a child still needs work on that foundation, going forward isn't going to help them in the long run. You'll get better state test scores that way but that decision could come back and haunt the child.

Being a charter school, our school attracts kids who are struggling coming in. These kid's needs are all over the place and it can take years to pull them up to where they need to be. It is very often parents who are unhappy with the education their child was getting in their old school who move their kids to charters.

I like the grouping by ability. It's working very well for my kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:55pm

nope. actually most of the wohms on this board advocate a much more MODERATE approach whereby EACH family decides for ITSELF what works best (given all the necessary parameters)....Most believe that sah NOR woh makes much of a difference at all for the VAST MAJORITY of kids.

No, i don't think there's any reason why all children "should" have a sahp.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:56pm
I'm glad you've found his advice worthwhile, and I'm all for it if where you are financially in life is better than where your parents and family members were a generation or two ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:00pm

No, it's most certainly not guaranteed.

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