Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 6:26pm
OK. I have strong feelings about this issue. Its bigger than working vs. staying home. There is a certain formula that our society follows to get into that comfortable "middle class". Go to college and get that degree. Accumulate loans. Graduate and start career. Spend time using that hard earned education to achieve a certain position. Marry. Buy the house that requires BOTH incomes to maintain in the best neighborhood with the best schools. Two car notes, because you gotta have a current model car to keep looking good. Clothes, vacations jewlery etc...After years of living a certain lifestyle and enjoying these things it's hard to downshift. You sacrifice. You work long hours to maintain. Job promotions. More money! More responsibility. More stress. All that is fine. Be a high achiever. Enjoy the fruits of your hard work!
But the clock is ticking. You gotta have those kids before you reach a certain age.
Child is born, but you can't stay home with the infant because you have painted yourself into a corner. You can't afford to take more than 6 weeks off. My goodness. So off to day care the newborn goes. If you are lucky enough, family can provide care. But they are still not you. Or it's off to a "center" with strangers. No matter what the credentials, a child care worker has no emotional bond with your baby.
We don't want to leave our babies... it breaks our hearts but if we don't go back to work the mortgage doesn't get paid. We have been trained to suppress these feelings and keep up.
There is no way you want to sell your Lexus to drive a used Honda! There is no way you'd EVER downsize your home to be able to afford to stay home.
And so the CHILDREN sacrifice. Babies denied the bonding with their parents during thier formative years. Mothers and fathers denied being able to parent them fully; at ease; taking each day as it comes and basking in their early development. This has become normal in our society.
I like nice things. I like diamonds. I drive a Honda, but I want to drive a Volvo.
I wish I could afford a nicer home but my husband and I have sacrified my career so that my children won't have to sacrifice.
Its all about priorities.
We are not rich people. But we planned well enough to make sure that we could afford the house and 2 cars (no car notes) on only my husbands income.
I have plenty of time to work when my kids are in first grade. You will never get your childrens' younger years back. I am not willing to make my children sacrifice for my lifestyle choices.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:23pm
It's a matter of where they are and what tasks they have on any given day, whether it's journal writing, independent reading, a math matching task, measuring dinosaurs and marking off their lengths in the hallway, interviewing each other or others around the building for an oral history project, or creating a mural.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:34pm
Why would you expect any differences as a whole in the long run?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:37pm

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I just wanted to comment on this because in earliest history children were raised in a community fashion, often younger children we're left with the tribe while the mother forged. The community raising is the reason why communication and language developed in the first place. Families would have there own personal ways of communication , but putting these children together started the creation of a shared language.

It's one theory at least, and makes a lot of sense to me. But anyway, a child in a care setting is one of the earlier, most natural things in the world.

(I haven't finsished reading the approx. 100 messages after this post I'm referring to as of yet so I don't know who else has responded. But the historian in me couldn't resist.)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:37pm
I understand largely why you want to SAH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:39pm

If Ramsey's 6 steps are as jungle_girl outlined them, I can say they are basic, commonsense.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:44pm
<$1,000 to start an Emergency Fund - That's not nearly enough for most people
Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball - Don't know what this is, but I'm favor of manageable (debt/income ratio determination) mortgage debt, college or grad school debt and auto financing of 36 months or less
Three to six months of expenses in savings 6 months
Invest 15 percent of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement - depends on age and income level (for instance, if your household income is over $160,000, Roths are not available to you)
College funding for children at what level?
Pay off home early I'd build wealth before I'd do this
Build wealth and give! (Invest in mutual funds and real estate)>

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:46pm
Missions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:47pm
And I give my nanny great kudos. Inevitably, following a post in which I praise her contributions, I'm told she's raising the boys and not me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:50pm
LOL that's exactly what I posted.

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