Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:13pm

Apparently, strong feelings don't necessarily translate into a supportable argument.

My life didn't even remotely follow your assumed formula (other than the fact that I did, in fact, get a college degree, but didn't rack up any debt while doing so) and yet, here I am - a WOH. Who planned, right from the get-go, on being a WOHM.

See, the part you're missing is that there are a great many of us for whom SAH is simply not the Holy Grail of Motherhood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:33pm
Ok- so not every one follows THAT particular formula. I didn't even. But many people do follow some sort of formula allong those lines. My point was that people are making young children sacrifice for personal satisfaction.
I don't agree when people barely make room in their busy lives for the kids. I know many women don't want to sacrifice the fulfillment of a career. I don't agree with people who have babies just to stick in daycare so they don't miss a beat in their career. Aren't our children worth at least a few years of our time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:49pm

What are those young children sacrificing? Before you can claim that young children are sacrificing because their parents use day care, you need to establish that there is something that can only be accomplished by staying home.

My kids deserve a few years of my time (namely about 18 years) and support which includes a college education. Fortunately, working for a living does not equate to not giving them those years. You see, you don't have to be home 24 x 7 for any period of time to parnent well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:49pm

"My point was that people are making young children sacrifice for personal satisfaction."


What are my children "sacrificing" because they could spend 10 or 20 hours more each work week with their parents?


"I don't agree when people barely make room in their busy lives for the kids. I know many women don't want to sacrifice the fulfillment of a career."


I can't imagine how you think even dual WOHPs don't have to make major lifestyle changes when they have kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:53pm
We did not expect my daughter to make the jump she did. It was a pleasant surprise. However, had she not made the jump, I'd much rather she be worked with on her level than stuck in a room where they're trying to teach 30 kids to one level which is mediocracy. This system has allowed her to excel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:59pm

Believe me, its much more complicated to work when the children are finally in school. Childcare 0-5 has reliable, repeatable schedules that can usually be made to fit into many work schedules. Schools offer no such promise; there are holidays not recognized by the corporate world, periodic teacher professional days with no school, schedules vary from school to school so children in different schools have different schedules. Afterschool activities like sports and scouts are a scheduling and chauffering nightmare. I limit my 3 children to 2 outside school activities at a time; right now, the only day we don't have an event is Sunday.

My DH and I chose to work when our children were little, in fact, like you, we planned for it. Now, by investing in our careers and our family, we can both wah and be involved in our children's school and afterschool activities.

There is more than one kind of family planning. Your planning works for you but not for us. We looked at family planning from the holistic approach, 0-5 is but one stage of a very complex set of family dynamics. Luxury cars and diamonds did not enter into the equation.

Currie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:14pm

<> I'm very glad for your daughter and how her learning has increased.

<>

I'm trying not to be insulted as if my teaching (and that of my colleagues) is "mediocre". BLECH! Obviously, you know nothing about classroom education (except the school system your kids attend) and how teaching works.

the FACT is that there is a time and a place for ability grouping -- I think that high school is an appropriate place for it. However, all it does in middle or elementary school is separate out the "dumb" from the "smart" kids -- and no, there is generally no movement from one group to the next.

<>

good for her. My students excel too -- and they are NOT grouped by ability, yet I am able to adapt my lessons to even the lower-achieving learners.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:17pm

<<But many people do follow some sort of formula allong those lines. My point was that people are making young children sacrifice for personal satisfaction.
I don't agree when people barely make room in their busy lives for the kids. I know many women don't want to sacrifice the fulfillment of a career. I don't agree with people who have babies just to stick in daycare so they don't miss a beat in their career. Aren't our children worth at least a few years of our time? >>


Why do you need to agree?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:21pm

<<I have plenty of time to work when my kids are in first grade. You will never get your childrens' younger years back. I am not willing to make my children sacrifice for my lifestyle choices.>>


That's interesting.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:26pm

OK, as you may have noticed, this thread is over 2800 posts long. Along the way, attempts have been made to ascertain just how kids "sacrifice" if they are put in daycare, and just how this is supposed to be a bad thing to do. Along the way, it has been established that there are many ways to be a dual-WOHP family, besides, and that not all dual-WOHP families "stick" the kids in daycare for 80 hours a week. Nor are all WOHMs unfeeeling carreer bitches with nary a maternal feeling contained in their Prada suits.

If you feeel that it is best for your kids for you to be home with them, all the more power to you for following your own lights. However, if you want to pronounce on universals, I suggest that you attempt to explain WHY your way is better, universally.

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