Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:34pm

Exactly.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:37pm

Then how does the working parent in the sah spouse relationship parent?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:40pm

"children cost their middle class parents $190,000 from birth to age 18."

Why does it cost so much? Do children really NEED all the things that are adding up to so much money?

"Aren't your children worth sacrificing some of your time with them so they don't have to sacrifice so many material things?"

Maybe. When they are OLDER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:41pm
Ok, but again and as you acknowledge, that is completely personal. Good for you for doing what you think is best. The rest of us are doing the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:43pm

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Yes, I know.


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I believe I have explained that on more than one occasion, but let me try it

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:45pm

"But again, does someone need 24/7/365 to accomplish this? Can this only be done at 11am on a Tuesday and not at 11am on a Saturday? "

I suppose not.
But I prefer the quantity time I have to be free to do this at my leisure, then the idea of "quality time" that hs been made popular. You can't schedule these little moments in a baby's life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:47pm

Ah, just tell my DS that about 4 P.M. when he's ready for "Dee" to come home, or all day every Monday when he's upset that DH is back at work.

I understand your point--but if it were true that anyone can take care of a 1 year old, then why would it be necessary for parents to scale down their career aspirations or working hours at all for the youngest set? And, at what point iyo does the child suddenly need Mom/Dad, in specific?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:49pm

So again, then how does the working parent in the sah spouse relationship parent?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:50pm

I am not sure how to explain it, but it is so. There is a good, long stretch in there where it is pretty even, but then it shifts.

My dd is 14. She is extremely self-sufficient, independent and confident. I do not need to be around 24/7, nor am I around all the time. She is in school from 8:15 till 2:30. Most afternoons she has a few hours of extracurriculars, and she is completely in charge of that. I have yet to meet her track coach or even find out where the stadium is. BUT, she really prefers to have lunch with me and preferably her dad as well. She seeks us out to hang out with us, something she never did when she was younger. Also, this is not a child anymore, so in dealing with her, I really have to be on my toes. It is exactly like a baby-adult. The reasoning is there, but the experience is lacking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:53pm

Honestly?

PumpkinAngel

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