Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:55pm

hs= has (typo)

The other parent does a great job parenting when he is home. Its obviously not practical for us to BOTH be home. We have to eat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:56pm

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Here is a website that clearly lists the costs broken down in age time periods and general itemization from 0-18 based on U.S.D.A Cost of raising a child chart from parenthood.com. It also breaks it down into income levels

Estimated annual expenditures on a child overall United States, 2001
http://conception.parenthood.com/crc2001_chart.html

The question may lie in what is the child who is raised on $249,180 getting that the child raised on $124,800 is not. $170,000 seems to be the average, not far off from the $190,00 mentioned by peteynjoeysmom.

The things that is not taken into account is that the child raised on $249,180 could come from a SAHP family or a dual-income family and v. versa.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:57pm

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Do you all think that colorsofspring's idea above (which I share, btw) is more common among first-time SAH mothers who do have the leisure to enjoy these moments? It would be much harder with 2 or more small children, even SAH, to "be free" to enjoy all these "little moments in a baby's life." I can identify with the sentiment stated above, but it occurred to me that someone who has actually had two or more small children in the home is more realistic about the long-term significance of such moments.

Doesn't keep me from enjoying them, but it made me realize just how different my perspective might be with a second child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:59pm

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Ah, thank you....thought it stood for something.


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Then what's the problem?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:00pm

Right, and that only happens at Tuesday at 11am. Must put it on my calendar.

If you feel the need to be the sole parental caregiver of your child (apparently excluding your DH); go for it. It is a valid choice that in no way affects the outcome of instilling knowledge and family values on your children, it makes you happy. How do I know, I've got 3 great kids and I've asked them. They remember their early childhood caregivers with fondness and affection, but never got confused about who is mom and dad.

As for family values, I'm finding it much harder to expand the reading and thoughts of my older child. Both DH and myself are politically and socially liberal, it is difficult to try to get her a balance of ideas on the more conservative side of the fence from the political, fiscal, and religious perspective. I feel I would do her a disservice if I do not at least make an attempt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:01pm
"For ME, my satisfaction . . ." Again, that is YOUR satisfaction, and good for you. However, it has little to do with your child's well-being and everything to do with yours. How is that different from a mother working because that gives HER satisfaction. I am sure both kids point to the birdie anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:02pm
So far, I have really lucked out. Dd was the most tremendous PITA for about 12 years, and the start of middle school (7th grade for us) was bad enough to land her in the hospital from stress. Now, OTOH, she is remarkably chill. She takes good care of herself, is a good student, has occasional hissy fits, but NOTHING like she had back in the day, so I really can't complain. I only hope and pray that this will last.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:03pm

Putting aside all financial or othercare issues, that's probably the primary reason why I chose to SAH--and why DH has given up golf and billiards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:03pm

"very little happen during the 20% of the time a child might be in othercare."

Even if it is only 20% - how would the parent know if very little is happening?
They don't know because they are not there.

My burning question is, what are these parents really thinking and feeling? Do they deep down really WANT to be there and supress those feelings and rationalize how good it makes them feel to go out to work for "stuff"? Sure stuff makes kids happy, but is it really worth leaving them for?
Maybe for older kids, but what kinds of extra stuff do babies NEED?

Time to go, my daughter is home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:07pm
What exactly is the difference when they are older?

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