Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:08pm

"because we found ourselves specifically wanting and needing them"

Same here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:13pm

That's their portion of housing, food, clothing, utilities and childcare.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:14pm

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I don't think so, I had the leisure to enjoy those moments if I so choose, I didn't look at it the same way.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:16pm

You're asking the wrong poster - neither my DH nor I "scale down career aspirations or working hours at all for the youngest set."


I've noticed in the past year that both of my children, especially my younger ds, miss me more when I travel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:16pm
I can understand the sentiment, but it remains just that, sentiment. There may be some tipping point below which the sharing of these moments with a parent does become significant, long-term, but in general, it really does not matter if mom, dad, the nanny or kiddo's bud at daycare is there to enjoy the birdie with him. Also, the sentiment is mom's. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it annoys me when people argue that they are SAHing for the sake of the child, when it seems to me that they are doing it for themselves, primarily.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:20pm

Exactly.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:21pm
I did not suppress anything. After 3 months at home 24/7 with a screaming baby, never getting anything done, I was climbing the walls. I am happy when I am away. It is important to my well-being to produce in the world, contribute, talk to adults, have fun etc. It quickly dawned on me that I was not such an amazingly unique and wonderful person that my dd could not do wihout my idiosyncratic take on the world for a few hours here and there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:21pm

And that's wonderful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:23pm

"My burning question is, what are these parents really thinking and feeling? Do they deep down really WANT to be there and supress those feelings and rationalize how good it makes them feel to go out to work for "stuff"?"


No, I have no "burning" desire to SAH. None.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:25pm

<Maybe for older kids, but what kinds of extra stuff do babies NEED?>>

Ok I'll bite.. Background: DD has been in DC since 3 months old the first month with a friend and then at a DC center. What was I really thinking? That I wanted something besides the 1 BR 800sq ft apt. that we hadat the time. My DH and I make the approx the same amount of money - one of us doesn't work and our income is cut in half. I bring home $2,100 a month and $750 goes to daycare, so I'm not just working for DC. Even now, we don't have a single family home, we have a 2BR 1,200 sq. ft. townhouse with a porch but no yard. Even to rent in a good neighborhood would be more than $1,200 a month. Even our townhouse is a low -income area.

I'm feeling I don't want to raise my child in a low-income neighborhood. I want better. Meanwhile we save and have a few luxuries to keep our sanity.

And honestly do I really want to be home full time? No. I was basically a single parent this weekend because DH has to work all weekend and I almost lost my sanity with my 2 1/2 yo. You might think I'm a bad mom and shouldn't have had a child because of that and that's your opinion.

Hey another thing to dislike about me - I plan to raise my DD as an ONLY CHILD . I know my own limitations. More power to parents that have more - but it's not for us.

Look up at my avatar. That child smiling at her mommy is not lacking from not having SAH relationship with me. She thrives at school and is totally spoiled there - they call her "Queen Elisabeth".

Feel free to ask any specific questions.




Edited 12/18/2006 4:34 pm ET by piraterose

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