Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:28pm

<>

Amen.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:31pm

Will either of you go back to those things?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:35pm

<They don't know because they are not there.>>


So back to 24/7/365?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:38pm

I couldn't do a child-centered life, family centered yes, but not child centered.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:41pm

"There is a certain formula that our society follows to get into that comfortable "middle class". Go to college and get that degree."

did that

"Accumulate loans."

No loans here.

"Graduate and start career. Spend time using that hard earned education to achieve a certain position. Marry. "

Yes, but I spent the first 2 years working for free at an anti-hunger non-profit.

"Buy the house that requires BOTH incomes to maintain in the best neighborhood with the best schools. "

Nope, DH had already bought his house before we met. Only required one income. Always saved one of our post tax incomes plus some.

"Two car notes, because you gotta have a current model car to keep looking good."

Nope, have never had two car loans. Our cars last an average of 12 years.

"Clothes,"

Well, yes we buy clothes- doesn't everyone?

" vacations"

Yes we go on vacations.

"jewlery etc"

not much- wedding ring, engagement ring - well he has bought me three sets of earrings in 12+ years of marraige - none over $100.

"After years of living a certain lifestyle and enjoying these things it's hard to downshift. "

Haven't had to downshift yet.

"You sacrifice."

No sacrificing here.

"You work long hours to maintain. Job promotions. More money! More responsibility. "

DH has a successful carreer,but actually he worked more hours prior to children than after. I had a fairly successful career, but was ready for a change.

"More stress."

Yes, kids add more stress- I'll agree with you there.

"All that is fine."

Great.

"Be a high achiever. Enjoy the fruits of your hard work!
But the clock is ticking. You gotta have those kids before you reach a certain age.
Child is born, but you can't stay home with the infant because you have painted yourself into a corner. "

Didn't paint into corner as we have saved my salary since we married. Still went back to work as that is what was best for our family at that time.

"You can't afford to take more than 6 weeks off. My goodness."

Wrong again, wow so many assumptions. I was off for 3 1/2 months then went back part time for 2 1/2 more months. I was off 3 1/2 months with 2nd child and went back part time (as that is what I was at that time). Quit when 2nd was 2 and oldest was 4- best for our family at that time.

" So off to day care the newborn goes."

Yes, as it was the best place for him at that time.

"If you are lucky enough, family can provide care."

Luck depends on ones family- my fil was alcoholic and my MIL has middle stage alzheimers- not people I would want to take care of a child (plus living 200 miles away doesn't help). My parents in their 70's like to be holiday grandparents only (plus living 400 miles away doesn't help).

"But they are still not you.:"

24/7/365 doesn't work for every mother or father.

"Or it's off to a "center" with strangers."

How can they be strangers if you see them eveyday?

" No matter what the credentials, a child care worker has no emotional bond with your baby."

I think you would be surprised.

"We don't want to leave our babies... it breaks our hearts but if we don't go back to work the mortgage doesn't get paid. We have been trained to suppress these feelings and keep up. "

Actually it did not break my heart to have my child go to a daycare where he was happy and able to interact with many people on a daily basis.

"There is no way you want to sell your Lexus to drive a used Honda!"

No Lexus, a 9 1/2 year old Sable wagon with 130k+ miles don't think I could "downsize" to Honda.

"There is no way you'd EVER downsize your home to be able to afford to stay home. "

Yes we bought a bigger house after children. There was no way I would raise a child in a 750 sq foot house that had a door to the outside in the bedroom the child would have. We now live in an 1800 sq foot house- very nicely thank you very much.

"And so the CHILDREN sacrifice."

How so?

"Babies denied the bonding with their parents during thier formative years. Mothers and fathers denied being able to parent them fully;"

How so? Dh works fulltime and has an excellent bond with our boys. Not following your logic here.

"I like nice things."

Me too.

"I like diamonds."

eh not so much. Have you seen the movie "Blood Diamonds"?

"I drive a Honda, but I want to drive a Volvo."

Both are decent cars. You go girl.

"I wish I could afford a nicer home but my husband and I have sacrified my career so that my children won't have to sacrifice. "

Again, not seeing the sacrifice. Are you in an area where there is no quality othercare available? Was your job high stress and high hours? Is your DHs?

"Its all about priorities.
We are not rich people. But we planned well enough to make sure that we could afford the house and 2 cars (no car notes) on only my husbands income. "

I consider my family to be rich. But then I use a world scale. A house with two cars is rich on a world scale.

"I have plenty of time to work when my kids are in first grade."

Ha ha ha ha ha. My children are in 2nd and 4th grade and it was way easier to have dualwohps when they were younger. Did you know that the amount of time spent in "fulltime" school is roughly equivalent to a half the time needed for a fulltime time job with a 30 minute commute? Do you plan to put you children in othercare for before/after school/holidays and breaks?

"You will never get your childrens' younger years back. I am not willing to make my children sacrifice for my lifestyle choices."

Still not getting what the sacrifice is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:51pm

We all have strong feelings about this issue.

And since we're all individuals, it's unlikely everyone falls into your perception of societal norms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:05pm
belch is right - how about reading what i wrote and not making things up for a change. i didnt say they werent trying, but trying and succeding are not always the same thing. and if you dont think there are issues in inner cities, well, i dont know where you live. i have lived in several fairly large cities and all have had innerj city problem with the kids living there - everything from crime, to drugs to children going to bed hungry and not having appropriate clothes for the climate. i have spent most of my adult life working with inner city and/or underpriveleged kids, heck probably my whole life as i went with my parents as a child as they helped to provide for those who did not have so if you want to call someone prejuice you better find someone other than me to do it to. i think perhaps it is the pot trying to drag other down to its level.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:11pm

The description was a general one that applies to MANY. Not everyone. Not me and not you.
I actually have an 8 year old and a 1 year old. I can choose to work when the youngest is in school or choose not to.
Since this board is about working for extras and not necessities, I can't see leaving young children in the care of others to get extras.
Its funny how those who choose to work for extras use the old blanket explanation " best for my family at that time". The OP asked to explain why that choice was made. Sure my choice is what is best for my family, but I least I explained some of my reasons. If you work just for personal fulfillment, a nicer car, a bigger house, vacation or other various things then be proud and say so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:11pm
are the birds different at 4:30 pm on wed. or 10 am on sunday?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:12pm
i have never seen anyone who had such issues with a sahm who didnt do things just the way they did. once again i have been a sahm for the past 6 years, during that 6 years i have subbed at school 4-5 days, and yes, my son goes to preschool two mornings a week and to daycare as needed for me to fulfill my other responsibilities in this life. unlike you i have a life outside of my children and i do spend alot of time volunteering in my childrens schools (that would be all three of their schools.) perhaps you are not really a sahm and are just a disgruntled wohm whose only options in life are to cut down true sahm's - you know the more i think about it i think that is it
Jennie

Pages