Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:17pm

Wait a minute, she's not home with you? Does that make your debate pretty much moot?

ROTF LMAO - my daughter is in 3rd grade!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:20pm

I must be missing something. I live in the city and never knew I was supposed to be single and broke.

Talk about a huge, TV watching induced, stereotype. Yikes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:22pm
It happens in small towns too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:24pm
that is going to depend on what kind of parent you want to be. my 16 year old takes an incredible amount of my time. my 3 year old takes the least amount of time. the older they get it is not hands on care but more being in their lives, knowing their friends, being active in their schools and making and taking the time to converse with them. i can have a 10 minutes conversation with my 3 year old and he is totally satisfied, with a 16 year old it can take hours to hash out issues. the things i want my 3 year old to learn he is going to learn pretty much anywhere he goes, be it home, a friends, daycare or preschool because most people (at least anywhere i would leave my kids)are pretty much in agreement about what they want children that old to be learning not even close to true as they get older. i have never had a problem finding someone who agrees with me that i want my 3 year old to learn to say please and thank you, no hitting, sharing, etc... i have yet to find someone i could leave my older kids with who i feel would express to them the values i want them to use when dealing with the issues that older children face, drugs, drinkings, sex, etc...
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:24pm

I am currently sahp.

Your description doesn't apply to *anyone* that I know.

The dual income families that I know do it because it it what is best for their family. I don't know anyone who does it just for "niceties". PLus the definition of niceties is a whole nother debate. (Do retire or college savings count? or not?) Many careers cannot be left to pick up later. Many jobs are flexible so that dual ftwohp families can easily balance work and homelife. Many dualwohp families I know have one or both that work reduced hours. Many families I know have a sahp because they have an LD child or the wohp has long or strange or traveling hours. There is no one size fits all "best" as there are no one sized fits all families.

Almost everyone I know has changed their working hours since the advent of children. This includes the fathers as well as the mothers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:25pm

food, housing, clothing, transportation, health insurance, lighting, heat, water....yeah, I think it's worth it to woh.

Oh, and if I waited until they were all in school, we wouldn't have been able to afford all of those.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:29pm
of course it does, even in our little town - which is why i spend some of my time helping those less fortunate than myself. one of the reasons my son goes to daycare at times is because i am tutoring kids who dont have parents to help them. yet i am the prejudiced one and condemned as a sahm becuase my child goes to daycare.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:32pm
my children are worth alot of my time from the time they are born until i die - that has nothing to do with sah or woh
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:32pm

is it me or is anyone else hearing the violins playing???? Funny thing is though -- I was NEVER in competition with the provider. Didn't need to be. I was/am mom. She was the provider. It never threatened me one tiny little bit that my kids enjoyed their providers.
Also, I don't know about your kids, but mine NEVER cried. They were always content and happy and enjoyed playing.

As for "the parents' touch, need to hear mother's voice, familiar smells"....LOL! I WAS WITH MY CHILDREN for the balance of 128 HOURS out of 168. HOW in the world do you think that they would "forget" my voice or fail to recognize me???

So anyone that mothers differently than YOU is doing it wrong??? GEEZ, I wish you would have told me that 15.5 YEARS ago before I had my three kids. And all this time I thought I was doling a great job.

I thin I'll quit tomorrow. I'm sure dh won't mind. I'll just tell him that I'll automatically go from being a good parent to a great parent -- just by virtue of becoming a sahm (insert eye roll here........)....

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:37pm
but, if the only way to be a great parent is to sah couldnt families who believed that have planned better before kids and saved enough so that both parents could sah for the first few years? or is it only important for mom? or does the wohp in these relationships just decide they dont want to be an equal parent?
Jennie

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