Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 6:28pm

I see.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 6:33pm
It was a hypothetical, as in "even if a mom were working only for extras, does it matter." The WOHMs who are arguing for WOH are not necessarily saying that they work only for extras, but OTOH many of us do not NEED to work. Think of the question another way. A DH works on Wall Street and clears around 500K a year. His wife is a teacher, loves her job, makes 50K a year. She is obviously not working for luxuries, but nor is she working out of need. Most of us do not have such extreme circumstances, but I think that many of the WOHs here would continue to work even if their dhs made half a mil and they themselves had modest incomes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 6:49pm

I'm referring to the current practice of teaching to the test. All that matters any more is state testing in most schools. A child who passes is then ignored. That's what happened with my daughter. Because she passed the state tests no one would listen when I tried to point out issues even when I went outside of the school and had her tested (then they told me that Sylvan just wanted my money). Ironically, she tested exactly where Sylvan said she was with the same issues when she entered the school she now attends.

This is what I mean by teacing 30 kids to the same level. It's the level of the test and the topics of the test even if the child is stuck somewhere else. Because her new school groups by ability, she didn't have to try and keep up while catching up. Because they came down to her level, she was able to fill in the gaps and is now far enough above grade level to be on the accelerated track. This never would have happened if we stayed in a district there they teach to the test which is to aim for mediocre performance for all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:00pm
Its not about being the madonna or having violins playing.
My issue is trust. I don't care how immaculate a facilty, how nice and credentialed the staff is, if my child cannot verbalize to me if something is going on (neglect, abuse or just general mistreatment) I will not be leaving my baby. We are supposed to hold children (especially our own)to a higher standard.
Appearances can be all well and good but any parent leaving thier baby in the care of another must wonder if everything is really ok. But you can't KNOW, you can only trust. I like KNOWING.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:03pm
If the issue is trust, then I hope you aren't planning on leaving your little one with a family member other than yourself.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:05pm

If the issue is trust, then I hope you aren't planning on leaving your little one with a family member other than yourself. Another family member is much more likely to harm your child than any paid other care.

Nope I don't. I had my kids to raise them myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:07pm
So, it is a verbal issue to you? I can understand that to some extent, except you can't really trust that your kids will tell you everything either, which given your starting point should lead you to never leaving them out of your sight. How do you deal with sending your older child to school? Even if the child DOES say something, it will be after the damage is already done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:16pm

yes, except the OP's statement would refer to the SMALLEST percentage of women who are ONLY working for extras.....

I like the "extras" of living in a nice, safe, middle-class neighborhood, being able to afford new clothes when the kids need them, being able to afford sports activities, field trips and other school funds needed. I like being able to give each of them 2 weeks of day camp in the summer (and last summer a reading comprehension class for my son), as well as a week's summer vacation at the Jersey shore.

I like being able to get away once every 2-3 months for a weekend or overnight with my husband. I like being able to go to the movies when we want, buy a video that we all want to see or a scene-it game that we all like to play.

I like having heat and hot water and air conditioning as each season permits. I like being able to get my hair cut and colored (and highlighted), manicures and pedicures.

The problem with your premise -- as well as that of the OP -- is that I don't work FOR any of those. I can afford those BECAUSE I work.

So, then, that begs the question that no one has yet been able to answer....WHAT is a "luxury" or "extra"????

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:19pm

"So, it is a verbal issue to you? "

Its many things. Its the verbal issue, it's an issue of trust. Appearances can be deceiving. No situation is perfect. Staying home can be mind numbing but its more important for me to KNOW that my child is in good hands than to just trust that he is. I sacrifice for them because I chose to give birth.
When school comes into play, it is true that we'd find things out after the fact, but at last we'd know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:29pm

"So, then, that begs the question that no one has yet been able to answer....WHAT is a "luxury" or "extra"????"

New clothes when children need them are a necessity, not an extra.

I am noticing though that different people define luxuries and extras differently. As I mentioned in a previous post, I consider working to live in a safer neighborhood a necessity. I consider working to afford the SUV vs the standard family car a luxury.
I do think vacations are a need since we must take care of our health both physically and mentally. But working extra to be able to afford a more expensive vacation is a luxury.
Salon visits? Another luxury.

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