Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 8:18pm

Talk about a huge, TV watching induced, stereotype. Yikes.>

No. From working in an large inner city high school for 12 years. From helping hundreds of students and parents fill out FAFSA forms. From visiting homes, attending quinceaneras, weddings, and funerals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 8:18pm
Especially in a year like this one. Of course, it's coming behind a few lean years but it's nice to see gains in the double digits again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 8:32pm

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do they have to be Walmart or Target, Goodwill or Salvation Army, JC Penny or Old Navy?

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THAT's the WHOLE point.

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and what you don't get is that nobody works IN ORDER to afford these -- they can afford these because they work. That's two very, very different things.

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So what's "expensive"? A week in VT. Two weeks at the Jersey shore? A long weekend in Disney? A weekend at a spa or a B&B? How about a week in FL to visit family?

Again, no one works FOR these things. These things can be afforded BECALUSE we work.

Should I begrudge my sah neighbor her pool and jet ski? how about her Mercedes and Lexus? how about the entire month that she rents a house at the shore? Maybe her dh should stop working FOR those luxuries, huh?

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OH YEAH!!! LOVE those. Missed them dearly when I was a single mom. Now that I'm back to dual-wohp, my husband loves to let me treat myself like this (and he likes the back scratches too!). Oh and we got another luxury -- and rehired his cleaning lady.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:24pm

The physical needs decrease (except for the back rubs, foot runs and hugs and cuddles) - however, the emotional and mental needs increase as children age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:31pm

"Try clothes shopping with a 10 year old versus an 18 month old. "

Exactly, OMG, my children suddenly have opinions about EVERYTHING. 2006 shall be henceforth known as the year I lost control of the Christmas tree. They didn't accept the first tree presented (cheapest too), went right to the expensive tree aisle and found one and wouldn't budge. Interestingly, it was the first time in a while that they actually agreed on something. Plus, when we got home- they had to tell us if it was leaning or not and where to put in and how close to the window.... THen they insisted on deciding where the decorations and lights went... on and on and on... It's not like I was obsessive about the tree- but I do like the similar ornaments to be spread out a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:39pm
so does not leaving your child in the care of another include, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents? As i am sure you are aware the large majority of abuse against children is done by family members or close family friends, not daycare providers - and i am sure a large percentage of those moms never would have believed that family members would have harmed their child. after all like you say the only way to KNOW is to be there 24/7. while i trust my dh completely the only way i can know what he does with the kids for certain is to never leave him alone with them - i dondt have those kind of trust issues.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:41pm

"New clothes when children need them are a necessity, not an extra."

Nope, they are niceties. Handmedowns and thriftshop/freecycle supply the need.

What is safe? It is a relative term.

"I consider working to afford the SUV vs the standard family car a luxury."

What is the "standard family car"? My neighbors just bought a used huge 04 Murano SUV for $15k. Must be a nicety (Their other car is a Prius- so they even out I guess). They are also dualftwohps who only use after kindergarten care (we still have 1/2 day kindy). Mom walks kids to bus stop, Dad is at bus stop in afternoon.

"I do think vacations are a need since we must take care of our health both physically and mentally. But working extra to be able to afford a more expensive vacation is a luxury."

What is a "nice" vacation? We had a nice vacation in Acadia Maine this summer- cost us about $1500 for the week- luxury or plain old everyday vacation? Spent another week at the beach in NC- cost -$400 incuding gas and food. luxury or plain old vacation?

"Salon visits? Another luxury. "

Does HairCuttery count as a Salon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:42pm
how sad for your children that they will not be allowed to develop individual relationships with thier extended family. those relationships are pricless for my kids, i really cant imagine my kids never getting to be alone with their grandmother - what a loss for both of them. i take it yoru parents are okay with this
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:53pm
are you a single mom - because i dont hear anything about dad in your picture. according to you your child will perish if you are out of his sight for 15 minutes so i wonder how taht leaves any time for dad. ifi you are married, have you ever left the child alone with his father - you know that other parent that is equally as important to a child as you are. have a second child and you will quickly learn that it doesnt harm a child to have to cry for a bit because mom does have something else she has to do at that very second - you now, like tend to the sibling who cant always be put on hold.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 10:04pm
I parent when I am there. I don't need to parent 24 x 7.

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