Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:05am
Remember that list I posted about boys? Combine that list with a clingy, high maintenance baby and get back to me on the "little moments in a baby's life" :) We're ALL about the long naps at this house. And sometimes, Am and Yellie sleep, too ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:10am
Well, at 10am, most of them are snoozing :) But 4:30pm on Sundays, they're just as lively as at 4:30pm Wednesday :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:18am

do you think that I have pretty much the same birds as my neighbor up the street? how about the dcp in the next town over -- does she have the same birds that i do??

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:19am
ROFL! I do remember the sweet taste of success when I managed to teach dd NOT to disturb mommy, if mommy is taking a nap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:55am

"Since this board is about working for extras and not necessities, I can't see leaving young children in the care of others to get extras. "

Actually, the board is much more broadly about SAH/WOH. This specific thread has focused (in places) on "working for extras". Frankly, I think it's an impossible question. Who gets to define what is an "extra" is and what is a "need"? Taken to it's most basic level, I suppose one could argue that anything above food, clothing and shelter is "extra". Does that mean that health insurance is extra? Is housing in a safe area an "extra"? Is a college fund extra? Where is the line?

My job helps pay for (very expensive) trips to visit family. Those aren't really vacations, those are trips specifically intended to make sure my children grow up knowing their relatives on both sides of the family. For some, that would be considered an extra. My kids would consider that a necessity. Who is right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:01am

"When school comes into play, it is true that we'd find things out after the fact, but at last we'd know."

Not true by a long chalk. Children who are verbal can also be bullied or emotionally manipulated into saying nothing to their parents about abuse...ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:05am
I don't think it was a ridiculous reply. It's an honest question. Children who are verbal don't always reveal abuse to their parents. They really don't. I worry about that with my kids and try to watch for non-verbal cues. I just don't trust that because they are old enough to tell about abuse, they will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:15am

Jogging has been easier to arrange than childcare: a sturdy jogging stroller and a lovely 2-3 mile route from my house.

Studies, have varied with DS's sleeping schedule. I didn't get much done before he slept through the night at around 4 months. Now I can get an hour in before he wakes up, a couple of hours during nap time, an hour after his bedtime (but often I forgo that last hour to spend more time with DH). During the day, I have my materials close by so I can hammer out a few lines of Latin or Old English while DS is otherwise occupied.

I did have a 18 year old coming a couple of afternoons a week for an extra 6 hours of study, but she usually just sat at the table and did her homework even after I'd suggested a few activities for her to do with DS. So I stopped having her come.

In her place I found a small morning childcare (4 classrooms, 8 workers, about 16 kids) attached to a local graduate school--parents generally sign up for 2-3 mornings a week while they attend classes. Anyway, my father taught at that grad school for a few years and we know most of the 8 workers, 3 of whom have masters degrees. So for the past three weeks I have studied at that grad school library and DS has been in the childcare (which is state licensed, of course) for two mornings each week. It's been a nice way to let him interact with other children his age and get to spend time with a few grandmotherly figures (the director is 70 years old and has been at the same childcare for around 20 years) and help me get an extra 6-8 hours of study in per week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:16am

My mom was that way with me when I was a teenager too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:34am

<<There is a certain formula >>


College: check.

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