Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:28pm
Exactly. I vaguely remember that dd hit some stage when she found rhymes and other word games endlessly amusing. There are also some children's songs that play into the obsession and are enjoyed by kids in the throes of this. Again, if you are mildly observant and inclined to follow the kid's lead, I don't really see the big whup here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:33pm
ithink it is easy to say that while your kids are relatively young and college is far away. but i think you may find as the time grows closer and your kids have worked hard and earned the right to go to college that no matter what you are goign to have to foot some of the bill, if you want them to have the opportunity to go to college, which just from knowing you here, i cant imagine you denying your children. i cant imagine you being okaky with your kids struggling to pay for food while trying to pay for college. i have no intention of paying for my childrens colege 100% but i realize even with the scholarships, their jobs and such i am still going to be paying out alot of money while they are in school. one thing i dont want is for my kids to got to college for one sememster then have to take off a semester to work to pay for the next semester. maybe i have misjudged you but i really cant see you letting your kids struggle in that manner.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:34pm

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I would see that as a disservice. I have books that are horizontal to the level for my DD to "read" on her own but I also have books to read together that are beyond her abiltiy - that is why we read together - to expose her to new things. I see a combination of hoz & vertical the most beneficial.

My mom was VERY set into the age appropiate thing also - books, clothes, toys, movies . - The biggest one I remember was no Sweet Valley High until I was actually in high school - I did not see Star Wars until I was an adult because she did not see it as age approp. I'm not saying that these were educational - but I found because of my personal situation keeping me at age appropiate level stunted some of my ability to relate to my peers in high school - I was emotionally and socially very immature.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:35pm
as the parent of a child who will be starting college soon please tell me how it is doable
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:41pm
iused to think that way, in fact i was dead set against my kids working in school, but when my dd begged me to let her get a job i agreed to let her try it and see how it went. for her it has been a great experience and has not affected her grades at all. but then even with all of her accelerated classes she doesnt spend 4 hours a day doing homework.
as to chooseing a college- for me that is their responsibility. i will be here to give them my opinions and whatever help they need but it is not my job to decide where they will go to school. it is my feeling that if they do not choose they will not be happy and the chances of them sticking it out diminish
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:50pm

It sounds like the problem isn't age appropriatness per se but that your mom didn't really understand it. The Sweet Valley High books seem to be aimed at middle school readers (even if the protagonists are in highschool) and Star Wars was never rated X so no reason to call it inappropriate for kids.

I tried reading books to dd that were beyond her ability but she couldn't follow the story line and just got bored and fidgety and wanted to go back to the younger books. I tried buying her toys for slightly older kids but she didn't understand how to use them and just wound up breaking or losing the pieces w/o ever actually using the toys. (Although putting game pieces inside boxes and under the couch does actually count as using, but still...). She does best with toys pitched at kids her age or slightly younger than her. So it all depends on the kid. Attention to age recommendations is not necessarily a bad thing if it's what works best for the kid. I learned the expensive way to go with those age labels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:53pm

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**Of course not and that's not what I suggested.>>

This is what you wrote in your post. The way I read it, was that that you expected "your child" (sorry left that out) to do all the leg work alone - included campus visits.

<>

This comment, for me at least, contradicts the above statement

<<**My parents didn't do one thing to help me go to university. I went, sight unseen by them. This is one reason why we would never let our children go through it alone. That doesn't mean we have to pay for it all.>>




Edited 12/20/2006 2:15 pm ET by piraterose

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:03pm
wondering what does age appropriate mean to you? and are you going by what you feel is age appropriate or what some manufacturers label says is age appropriate? while i probably wouldnt sit down and read harry potter to a 3 year old my son has set with us while my dd and i read harry potter. he doesnt seem to care much what is being read as long as you are reading to him. specifically when it comes to reading as long as my kids are reading im not too concerned about what they are reading, be it at level, above or below.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:10pm
but like you say it is all going to depend on the child. my 3 year old loves any book that you will sit and read to him, at this time. when my oldest was 5 she was reading chapter books, it was very hard to find chapter books aimed at 5 year olds so we just let her read and explained the thingas she didnt understand. my 8 year old is pretty much my child that has stayed true to age level guidlines, but even with games she usually got bored with the younger type games.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:13pm

I will agree with you that there is a difference between age appropiateness and particular child appropiate.

My 2 yo scoots about on her scooter marked 3 and up and she also correctly plays games such as Cariboo and Candy Land marked for 3 and up. That is her ability and it has nothing to do with her age per se.

I just get nervous when people start on the whole age appropriate thing and sticking to the "Horizontal" for age, because that was the mantra my mom toted. Doing "research" to me reads as more convcerned about labels and less about the child his or herself. I have a problem when someone starts in on on the whole it's for 2 and up so it's holds no benefit for a 12 month old (as long as it's not physically dangerous).




Edited 12/20/2006 2:21 pm ET by piraterose

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