Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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Yep agree. And its so sexist. The people who suggest mom is doing the wrong thing to work, has no issue with a dad who say, travels constantly for work; or works 70 hours a week, etc. How come dad can be absent, truly, at work all the time as long as mom's at home, but mom gets vilanized if she works just full time?
I think that is true to some extent. But I also think that there is another element to it for many people, which falls somewhere in the area of ambition/recognition. Some people do not need this element, which must be a gift in many ways. If you do not need it, teaching your kids, reading/researching, building/sewing or whatever may provide plenty of intellectual stimulation. When you have an ambitious side as well though, it can be hard not being out in the world.
Much of what I do at work is not in itself any more stimulating than 50 million different things I could easily do at home. However, it is stimulating to me to be part of something bigger and have the sense that my work contributes something to the world at large (however teeny my particular contribution may be). For example, one of the projects that I worked on for the past 3 years just won a prize that is quite important in that particular field. That sort of thing tickles me. It may be that I am vain and ambitious, but I really am much happier when I make some room in my life for my vanity and my ambition.
Not she, but she probably does. If you check out the website of the Duggar family, you will find quite a lot of information about the credit thing. Some of the more wooly Evangelicals take the injunction againts usury quite literally. They further believe that living without using credit is the way not only to a more godly life, but also to a more genuinely successful one, finacially speaking. Apparently it is quite a movement in the born-again community, cf: http://iblp.org/iblp/discipleship/financialfreedom/
The moral decline comment is most likely a reference to the principles that govern movements like the Promise Keepers. The idea is that if men took their God-given responsibilities seriously, i.e. acted morally according to the Bible, they would make it possible for their wives to fulfill *their* God-given responsibility, namely have kids, SAH and obey their husbands.
>>...from poverty? This is not at all unique to families with a SAHM<<
absolutely agree. a couple militant wohms i know irl are like that BECAUSE they live paycheck to paycheck. they couldn't afford a sahp even if they wanted it.
thank you for that smack on remark about your kids not needing to know what your net worth is or what their lifestyle should or should not consist of,too..we can't always get what we want is a mantra i pretty much stick to,regardless of what sort of balance is in our bank account.
Edited 11/29/2006 4:57 am ET by egd3blessed
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No, I don't think it was misread. many of us believe that Dad's time is just as important as ours and we do NOT want him working any kind of overtime. WE prefer to each work about a 40 hour week so that our children have a nice balance of each of us during the week.
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BINGO! JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GOOD MOTHER HERE! The only difference is that I can woh AND my children still come first AND we are doing what WE think is best in providing what they need at that time.
You also went so far as to say that EVERY mother should be home (as in sah) with their children. Doesn't sound like you give credit to all the wonderful woh mothers out there.
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No, you went so far as to say that you believed that ALL mothers should sah.
Carole
and, as a teacher, I SAH for approximately 181 days per year.
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There are MANY of us that can continue to work (heck, I've been at it for 15 years now -- and with 3 kids!) and KNOW that (light bulb moment coming.....) family IS more important than a job. HOWEVER, I was thrilled to have that job when I ended up as a single mom for two years and was trying to support my children.
Carole
I had to do that with a family of 4 for almost 2 years in CT. It is very, very difficult. There was almost NO money left for anything "extra". At times, I had to scrounge in the car for change to buy gas. One summer I had to pawn my engagement ring to pay the insurance bill. You do what you have to do.
Now I'm back to being a dual-wohp. Much less pressure, much less stress. Enough money to not have to worry when we needed to fix the sink or get rid of squirrels in the attic.
Carole
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Speak for yourself. So, a wohm does not have a divine calling to motherhood and womanhood?
I really gives me the willies when people start hising behind religion to be judgemental.
Edited 11/29/2006 6:38 am ET by debbiemom2girls
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