Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 3:23pm

It's 8 not 6.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 3:25pm
Gosh darn it. She needs to update her bios on all of these posters here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 3:54pm
Thanks, I know you have 6 kids, but I was asking her about a slightly more average hypothetical situation, and not yours in particular.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 4:20pm

I have to admit that I skimmed through the

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 4:31pm

My parents are in the O section :)

A police officer once told me that the crime rate at the Town Center is so bad (and worse at Walmart further down) b/c it's conveniently located right off Rt.50 and 301 - such a busy corridor that it's easy for thugs to escape. None of that deters my mother though. She shops when and where she wants. She actually doesn't go to the Town Center much at all - she doesn't like the way all the stores are open to the elements so that if it is cold/rainy/hot - you have to keep going outside to get to the next store. She actually shops a lot in Greenbelt and other places around northern PG County. Of course, TJ Maxx is her favorite and that's only right up the street from her house.

My parents will never move. They live in a rancher, have been there for about 42 years - the one-level living appeals to them as they get older. Years and years ago, they actually considered moving to Annapolis to a waterfront condo (coincidentally, it is near our house but this was back when I was in college). My mom is so thankful they didn't b/c she thinks the traffic in Annapolis is horrible. She can actually get to the mall in almost the same amount of time as me, even though I'm only about 6 miles away from it! Of course, had they bought the waterfront condo, the value would be much greater on it than their current home!

I've never been to those shops in Cape St. Claire but have heard there are some cute stores over there. I have a friend who lives over there, but I rarely am over in that part of town. I hardly ever cross the Severn LOL although I just did today b/c my kids' dentist is in Arnold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 6:30pm

Yes, I do believe what I typed. Of course, I don't think those are the only two things which have brought our society to where it is but they are two big items which have helped plow the way. I am not speaking of you personally, but our society in general. Usually, when I try to find out what is going wrong I go beyond myself if I find it isn't necessarily myself wherewith the problem lies. One of our dd's wants to become a RN. She actually wants to become a flight nurse.

I haven't said YOU shouldn't work. Again: My purpose for posting my thoughts here are to put out there what MY thoughts are. I'll debate with you but you'll have to understand that I haven't said YOU shouldn't work.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 6:38pm

Do you normally make sweeping generalized judgments on people you don't know before you ask them questions about what they've contributed to this board?

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 7:01pm

You seem to have the impression I think working overtime is appropriate on a constant basis. Is that what you think I'm saying? You are so right that dad's time is as important as mom's. I can't disagree with you there at all.

How can it be harmful for parents to plan to be successful enough for mom to stay home? I'm speaking from my experience. We planned to be successful from a young age and did what it took to be successful so I could be at home with our children.

I should have said we put us first and our children a close second....lol....sorry. After reading that I didn't like how it put my dear husband second. ;)

Well, I do think that if moms were in the home that we'd be better off as a society as far as raising good, decent children ON THE WHOLE by those who should have the most influence and best influence on children. I'm not speaking to you personally. Furthermore, I can see how we have benefited as a society for the women who do work hard to contribute.

Credit? I've been a woh mom. My mother woh, still does, my best friend--my sister, runs her own business in a store front in a nice town as well. I come from a long line of self starting women who are and were successful.

I believe it is the best place for mom to be....I never said it's the only place or that woh is anything in particular.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 7:36pm

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I believe that there are some sahms on this board whose dh's average (regularly) something like 80 HOURs per week. Now that may not be overtime for their schedule, but it certainly is 40 hours MORE per week than the average dual income family works (since generally those hours overlap a great deal).

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Never said it was. I just can't figure out how it's harmful for parents to be successful enough for mom to continue working while raising kids?

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YUP. I've got 15 years of that with 3 kids.

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We also planned to be successful from a young age (I first started teaching at 25) and did what it took to be successful to continue woh and raising kids.

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I also believe in putting the marriage first.

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I wish it was that simple. How do you explain ALL of the wohms that I know that are raising good, decent children? Amazingly, even though I continued to work, "I" am the one that has had the most and "best" influence on my children. Imagine that!

I'm not speaking to you personally. Furthermore, I can see how we have benefited as a society for the women who do work hard to contribute.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 8:14pm

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I don't know. She might be right. Those moms are the ones spending all their money on the Manolos, and Jimmy Choos. They didn't have any money left to shop for their kid at Neimans.

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