Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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I think you're perpetuating a false stereotype. I have only heard one mention 80 hours per week. And while I have said that my DH is away from home about 60 hours per week (working about 50, commuting about 10), that was true before we had a child, before I got pregnant, and before we had even discussed having children. Many salaried jobs require this type of time commitment--or more--and I think many parents choose to SAH BECAUSE of the long hours their spouses work, and perhaps have to work for their careers. How would it increase DH's time with DS if I were to suddenly add my 60 hour week into the mix? or even take a less demanding position with a closer school district for 45 hours per week?
Perhaps you could link to posts of anyone other than egd3blessed who has claimed her DH works 80 hours per week, let alone works 80 hours a week so she can SAH.
You have hit the nail on the head as to why I wanted to post here. You "know" and believe that your family is more important. We are alike in that way.
The sarcasm just isn't necessary.
Thanks anyway. :)
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
I am a mother of three small children and have been a stay at home mother since I gave birth to my first born. The debate on staying home with the children versus leaving the home for work is and always will be ongoing. After reading most of the previous replies on this board, it is clear that both sides feel strongly.
The decision to go back to work does not come from the need to shop at Nieman Marcus rather than Target. Even if the fianacial income is not needed to directly support the mortage, it surely pays for more than a pricey pair of shoes. A child can certainly benefit from the "disposable" income in a family, the question that always remains is, at what cost to the child?
The idea that in today's society woman have it all is crazy. If a woman goes to work, suddenly she has become a self centered career driven femanist in the mind of the other moms at pre-school, yet if she stays home, she is veiwed as a K-mart shopping, sweat pants wearing insanely over protective mother. No side has the clear winner.
A mother that chooses to leave the home to work and put her children in day care I am sure has feeling of guilt each morning leaving their son or daughter. The truth of the matter is that those children are learning socail lessons a stay at home mom can not offer her children, no matter how many library programs and mommy and me classes she has joined. The lesson I feel that children gain from mom going to work is huge. Those children learn that in todays world a woman has options, that not all woman must grow up to be mommies and stay at home and manage the household duties. That mom is equally as important to the world as dad is, and that thier mom can still love them even from work.
Being a stay at home mother I know first hand that it is a wonderful opportunity that my chiildren and I have. I know that my children love me, and I know they feel loved from me. I just hope that my four year old daughter grows up and is proud of my choice.
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That's a bit disingenuous, don't you think? You've posted a lot about how it's a problem that so many families have dual WOHPs. You've talked about how it's a divine calling to be a mother, with some pretty clear indications that the proper way to fulfill that calling to be SAH. To turn around and claim, "Oh, but I wasn't talking about YOU" at this point seems coy.
I didn't ask for validation/opinion on my sentiments about my womanhood/motherhood.
If I said that I believe womanhood and motherhood are Divine callings for us all does that preclude those who work out of the home?
I think it answers your question on it's own.
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
I can agree with you here except that in the title of the thread and the OP go to the point that some people are not as dedicated to the raising of their children themselves as others are in that they are willing to abdicate that responsibility to someone else in order to provide nice or nicer or the nicest things.
I find the argument that women have to work in this society disingenuous. It is a crock. Women don't have to work in a lot of cases. I give that women do have to work in some cases which are becoming increasingly more visible as the days go by, unfortunately. That's not to say the majority have need of working as was asserted by a poster here. The COL has nothing to do with what goals a person sets up for themselves on the outset or in the interim and then strive for them. Goals such as a good education which could, with great potential, enable someone to provide for their family one income so mom can be at home where her children need her to nurture them. This is how we felt. This is what we did. We made a goal. We have achieved it and continue to make new goals wrt our future.
As I stated in another post, I don't disagree with any woman's right to work. I merely wonder, having been there, if it's what is best for the home and family.
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
But your point is pointless, since working parents (father OR mother) don't abdicate their parenting just by letting their child spend part of their day with another person.
Adding a third caregiver isn't taking away from the child, it is ADDING TO (assuming the parent has chosen well, and those choices are available).
It's fine for you to have planned and achieved your plan, but that's more about your preferences as a parent than how well your child would do compared to having an additional caregiver in their life to love them.
Like the Everyone Loves Raymond intro, this debate isn't really about the kids. It's about the parents.
And there's plenty of crock to go around, too.
Edited 11/30/2006 12:27 am ET by mondomom
Mondo
Edited 11/30/2006 5:15 am ET by sild
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