Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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I am sorry that you felt offended by my assumption that a working mother felt guilt for leaving a child at daycare. Of course any mother can appreciate that a child is learning
a great deal at daycare. From socail skills to problem solving these are major skills any child needs to have. Although, I am not sure that working mothers have cornered the market on proving those essential skills, a stay at home mother can also provide them.
I can understand that a working mother does not feel the guilt of daycare, and that was not the main topic of my initial reply. I feel that a working mother in most cases can offer more enrichment to her child's life by working, and not just because of daycare or financial gains. Working mothers are setting the bar high for young girls today, and I feel that is a must. When my daughter is an adult I want her to not have the need to rely a man to provide for her or her chidren. I want her to now that she is here to do all she can to enhance her and her children's lives.
"I believe it is the best place for mom to be....I never said it's the only place or that woh is anything in particular."
Yes... but can't you see that when you say that SAH is the *best* place to be that you automatically put a judgment on WOH being inferior to the best. Sure you don't say *worst* but the above statement explicity states that WOH is not the best place for mom to be because there cannot be two best places.
I don't make such generalizations. I say WOH is the best place for ME to be....for other SAH is the best place, or any combination in the middle. There is a lot of judgment from the SAH side that they are doing the BEST for their kids and woh moms are doing only second best.
That is not a true assumptions. So, please don't say that you don't say WOH is anything particular because from the above statement we know what you feel it isn't : "the best place for mom to be"....so if its not the best place what kind of place is it? :)
"I can agree with you here except that in the title of the thread and the OP go to the point that some people are not as dedicated to the raising of their children themselves as others are in that they are willing to abdicate that responsibility to someone else in order to provide nice or nicer or the nicest things. "
Wow.....where on earth did you find this in my OP?
I said: "some people are not as dedicated to the raising of their children themselves " ????? Where? I simply pointed out that there is a double standard between a women who "has to work" and one who "wants to work" This means I am not DEDICATED to raising my children????
"they are willing to abdicate that responsibility to someone else in order to provide nice or nicer or the nicest things. "
Where did I say this? How is going to work abdicating the responsibility for raising children? I guess in that case you husband gave away his responsibility.
That was pretty insulting. It wasn't even close to what was said in my OP and it was darned ignorant about WOH.
That is another reason I think it helps to have explicit family policies that support all working parents, male or female. After years of such policies in Denmark, people are getting used to it, to the extent that it is becoming more and more common for men NOT to get a pass. For example, when my brother had kids and his wife finished her degree, he went freelance to be more available to his kids.
What I find interesting about it, apart from the much more pronounced equality between the spouses (brother and SIL, in this case), is that his carreer seems to be going just fine, in spite of his having made room for his family. My SIL is doing well too, and was, for example, able to work a job for a while that required her to spend a night a week away from home. At least in their case, the set-up, including the government/policy support and the resulting attitudes, seems to be a win-win.
Of course there are negatives, but negatives (and positives) are in the eye of the beholder. Dh couldn't stand living in the US, and though I loved the two years I lived in Austria, I'd never voluntarily move back there again. Dh absolutely adored Switzerland (clean cities, perfect public transportation, cheap health care, free universities and a lower tax rate than the US!) but I hated it (the people really got to me).
Some friends of mine complaint constantly about Sweden (cars drive too slowly, the pace of life in general is too slow, people are too laid-back, electronics are more expensive, food is boring..trust me, there's a long list :-)). There are also some definite positives (pretty decent health care, well-run cities, beautiful countryside, decent schools...also a long list). I personally love living in Sweden and wouldn't happily leave it. I'm sure that there is a lot about Sweden that would drive other Americans crazy, though.
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