Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 11:30am

<> You got that right, babe! I just paid $400 to get squirrels out of my attic. Thankfully I didn't have to worry about paying that bill.

Sure, money doesn't buy happiness, but it can bring a sense of security. I've had less money and I've had more money. More is better.

Good to see you here, "Carole." ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:14pm
The saying I like is: "Money is not important, as long as you have some."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:31pm

Someone once explained to me, when pressed, that the ruling parties in those countries were socialists, therefore the countries also had to be socialist. This was some years ago obviously (since the conservatives have been in power for quite a while in DK), and it took me a few beats to figure out that the person was calling the Social Democrats "socialists."

From one point of view I guess you can classify them as such, but at least for a good long spell now, the European Social Democrats are not exactly out on the barricades and are hardly any further left than US Democrats. The UK equivalent is Labor, and the current Labor PM is a staunch ally of GW for bleeping out loud. The other thing that people tend to overlook is that we have far more parties in parliament, which means that most governments are coalitions. This tends to thin whatever ideology supposedly won the elections.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:55pm
Ain't that the truth.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:02pm

<> I'm there right now and I can tell you it IS best for my family. Do I *have* to work? No, we could "get by" on DH's salary. But we wouldn't have the college funds, the 401k, the pension and the medical insurance my WOH provides. Could we get those things with just DH WOH? Probably, but it wouldn't allow for any extras. And we (my DH, myself and my two DSs) enjoy the extras. Like being able to go away for a weekend or for a week.

My boys are 12 and 13 and are home with one of us every morning before school and with one of us or my parents in our home 4 days a week after school. The one day a week when either my parents or DH or I are not home after school, one son goes to his friend's house (mom is home there) and my other son either comes home or goes to a friend's house (with mom or dad home there). I have no problem with my 13 yo being home alone for about 1.5 hours once a week after school.

Yes, what we're doing is best for *our* family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:50pm
Well then you are all set. That tacky old Target with their $1.99 clothing can't mar the beauty of your home. Whew...good for you...bad for the next town.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 3:50pm

Meh. I used to feel bad. Now my 5 1/2 year old is in school and I can ASK HER, she says she preferred being with her friends part of the day.

I snuck in to watch the goings on through the windows a couple of times, and didn't feel guilty much after that. Now, I don't even a little LOL.

We keep our girls' hours to a reasonable # (about 5-6 waking hours) in daycare so not to be overtired (something that only my oldest would experience), and they have benefited from the experience.

Guilt for letting them play with their friends a few hours/day and participate in group crafts/activities and playtime? LOL. I don't think so. Now if I opted to not provide for my family? THEN I'd feel guilt.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 4:02pm

i think we paid $500 to remove the squirrels, $600 (faucet + labor) for a new faucet and $200 for Mr. Handyman to do stuff on the roof....

I NEVER would have been able to afford ANY of that as a single wohm.

Thanks for the welcome to the board;)

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 4:09pm

some people don't realize how stressful it is to live without knowing if you will have enough money at the end of the month. Very, very often, I was scrounging for gas money. At times, I would have a bill come in that I hadn't anticipated and couldn't afford. I sold my engagement ring to pay my insurance bill.

When I was newly separated all of the frills (and i mean just about ALL of them) went. No more haircuts, no color (diy), no highlights, longer and longer between manicures (4-5 weeks), shoes only from payless or walmart, clothes only when absolutely needed and then nothing extra.

I figured out that i could take the kids out for ice cream on about $7....$3.00 for mine and $2.00 for each of theirs at friendly's. The occasional meal out because sandwiches from Subway for $4.50 each.

I've always said that money's not important as long as there's enough money to take care of your basic expenses.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 5:34pm
OT weirdo question, but what sort of foods do you miss the most? What do you wish you could get there? I'm trying to shop for a relative that lives out of the country, so I want to surprise her with things she is not likely to find.

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