Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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why is it that they HAVE to work? Surely, they must be able to find a way to sah since that's the way that parenting is supposed to be done.
I truly hope that they're not working for "luxuries" or "extras".
Sarcasm intact.
Carole
she can also be all she wants to be AND be a wohm
Carole
but see your premise is all wrong...Why is YOUR ideal (that of a sahm) any better or worse than MY ideal (for MY family) for raising children???? Contrary to what you believe, wohms can and do do a fine job of raising their children. And yes, they are raising them -- no matter how many times you say/imply that they are not. The FACT is that even given a child with a dcp, that child is STILL with the parents more than with the provider. It is the parents that provide for the child's basic needs (as well as some of their wants). It is the parents that instill morals, values, life lessons, compassion for others, etc.
I'm sorry you have such a limited view of how wohms can work and raise their kids. Good parents are good parents -- whether they sah OR woh. It has NOTHING to do whatsoever with work status. I'm truly sorry that you can't see that.
Carole
I don't think the DH gets a pass, but he (or is job) is often less flexible, or he is less willing and/or able, to accommodate the hours of the new child. So the DW is faced with two choices: raise a child while both of them work 50 or 60 hours a week, or cut her hours/change her job/SAH.
Also, it's possible that 9 times out of 10 DW may want to be the one to be home more with the children, so that's why she makes the change. IME women tend to be a bit better at stimulating children's development when faced with long, long stretches of time. Of course there are many exceptions, like my professor friend whose husband is very content to travel where her career leads and work a little out of the home when the child gives him a chance.
Perhaps work places look at it more as giving the DW a pass, being more flexible to accommodate her family needs. Unfortunately, pay inequities also reflect this flexibility I suppose, but I'm sure many many men also sacrifice some pay for more flexible, or fewer, work hours and more family time.
"There is a best situation for everything."
Very true, but you didn't say it was the best for just you, you simply claimed it to be the "best". Well this is a debate board and whether you're here to validate yourself (and I hope no one is here for that reason) or not, some people do not agree that SAH is an "Ideal". I am one of those people. Just because you say SAH is best doesn't make it so, it makes it your opinion, and you being on this debate board makes it debateable. So there it is, I don't think SAH is the ideal in some situations and in others I do think its a good thing. It depends on the individuals. You for instance would not be please to WOH, you feel strongly against it, so the ideal and best for your family is to SAH. I could not stand to SAH on a full-time basis, I would not be happy, I would forever put a dent in my career, and I would not teach my child the lessons I want to teach her....so for me WOH is the best/ideal. The fact that you cannot see past the best for your family being the best in general speaks volume.
"Do you seriously think the ideal for any child is to be raised by someone other than their own parent"
No, this isn't the ideal. But who here is not raising their own child? Who is raising these children?
Let me ask you a few questions...
1) is your husband raising his kids or did he adbicate that to you? Or is it only mothers who don't raise their own kids when they work?
2) Men/women who are deployed in the military...are they raising their children? (oh and some posters, don't tell me not to go there I am an ex-Marine)
3)How many hours away from home qualifies as someone else raising my children?
4) when the kids are old enough for school, do the schools raise them?
5) if the kids go away to summer camp either day or overnight, who is raising them?
I hope you see how silly the arguement it. Sure, if a child is shipped off to boarding school 10 months of the year there might be some debate. But do you seriously think a kid who sees mom and dad in the morning and then in the evening and then all weekend is being raised by someone who has them for work times?
I have a nanny who stays with my child in my home because its the best choice for me, and not quitting work when I had a child allows me and my DH a lot of seniority. We are always there for her when she needs us. She talks to us on the phone a few times a day each, at least once a week one of us or both has lunch with her. WE are raising our child.
If you are going to make a comment which basically says WOH do not raise their own children you need to back it up.
"It's what I think. I'm not asking you to do it."
But you're on a *debate* board. Here we talk about what we think, we debate the points behind the thoughts, etc. You cannot just make a statement like "SAH is best" thus imply WOH is not the best and expect people to take it at face value, we'll expect some proof, some back up because if you don't have those things its only best for YOU which no one can argue with. But when you try to say its the ideal for us all to live up to....well some of us don't feel that it is and will question it and debate it.
If I said SAH is harmful to children (which I wouldn't, because thats just silly) wouldn't you question it and expect me to expand on the thought?
Only 3 hours?
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I have no need or desire to be the only adult influence in my childrens' lives.
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I work because I want to, and my children haven't suffered in any way whatsoever.
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