Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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Ooooookay. I'm gonna go post with people who use the common English definitions for words.
You know, where one "has to" to do stuff would totally encompass situations in which one were 'forced to" do stuff....
ah, and the fun goes on and on and on.....
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It's a very important PART of raising a child -- in addition to all the other stuff that has to happen to.
<<70% percent of the families in America being dual income isn't proof that women HAVE to work. It just isn't and I think you know it. >>
I wholeheartedly disagree. I think that statistic SHOWS that the majority of families in the US NEED two incomes to survive.
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I DID that when I became a single parent. ALL of the extras were gone. Barely money to pay for heat and electricity, nevermind if the kids needed money for a yearbook or field trip.
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I was ASKING you what you consider to be "luxury" or "extra".
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Never. In fact, the time "away from family" (cue the violins here, please!) was of benefit to both my children and I. I've enjoyed a successful teaching career and my kids got to go play and have fun every day at dc or preschool. then they got to come home and have PLENTY of time to play and have fun there. What's "wasted" about that?
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Thank you. My "chosen path in life" included teaching in a classroom. It's been a GREAT plan that has easily allowed for me to raise my children WHILE working. It has enabled me to do just about the exact same things that you have done with your children.
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WHY do you think that this isn't what I've wanted also? Do you REALLY think that sahms have some "lock" on wanting their children to be the best adults they can? That is so far off-base.
We DID what we KNOW for US would help our children become good adults. The fact that you can't see it (blinded by it, I guess?) doesn't make it any less true.
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I work hard to keep up with what they want to do. It's a bit easier now as each seems to have a distinct path they want to travel. WHY would you think that I wouldn't care or try to help them reach their dreams?
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good for you. I went to 10 years of night school for my master's degree so that I could continue teaching. I graduated just before #3 was delivered.
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Maintain anything you want. The FACT is that given good parents, work status is IRRELEVANT. I'm sorry that you think you know "the better way" for every other family but your own...but thanks for the laugh! I think we've done pretty darned well--all without the benefit of YOUR plan.
Carole
"No, you don't choose your child's environment, who cares for your child or how. The person caring for your child does. You may leave thinking it's what you see but you never know, or do you? "
Sometimes this is true but so many times its not. Let me give you some examples
1) Nanny- I have one, I have a nanny cam, my nanny has a cell phone (with GPS) and a car with GPS. I KNOW where my child is and what type of environment they are in, Thanks :)
2) MANY daycares in my area have cameras so parents can watch their chidren with the caregiver.
3) so many caregivers are family...if family isn't safe I guess then child isn't safe with you either?
So yes sometimes you do know. How do you handle your children going to school or visiting with a friend?
"I simply happen to think there is a better way to parent."
Well heres something we both agree on. From what you've posted here I am even more grateful for my way of parenting!
"If a mom has to work it's still less than ideal, but what choice does she have? I'm talking about moms who do it for extras as the title of the thread illustrates. I still maintain children are adversely affected by mother's absence regardless if it's forced or obliged."
its less then YOUR ideal you mean. My ideal includes a family where ALL the members are happy with their lives. Why would I make myself miserable SAH? THAT would adversly affect my children.
Also....I am a mom who works and gets extras as a result of it. I have stated over and over I WANT to work and I would not be happy at home. Is it still the ideal for me to be at home? My child has had the same caregiver since she was very young, at first me and the nanny cared for her together until I trusted her more and went back to work more and more. Having one more person who loves my child is not harming her in the least.
Though I think some of the attitudes you have towards women and their place in the world/family might be damaging to girls/boys growing up and I am glad to not have my children affected by that.
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I disagree. I hate when this gets turned all of a sudden. She didn't say a word about WOH. She said she felt it was the best place for mom to be. So what? I think it is best that my children go to our neighborhood school. Some of my neighbors disagree and sent their children to private school. It is an OPINION. What I think is best may not be what someone else thinks is best.
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That goes both ways and to think it doesn't it just ridiculous. Wanna know how many times it has been insinuated that WOHM are showing their DD how to be independent and not depend on a man?
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Again you are forgetting she said she BELIEVED...that is HER opinion. She isn't stating anything as fact.
Perhaps I have missed it, but how many children do you have and what are the ages?
PumpkinAngel
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I disagree. I hate when this gets turned all of a sudden. She didn't say a word about WOH. She said she felt it was the best place for mom to be. So what?>>
You honestly don't think that saying the best place for mom to be is at home, doesn't mean that she feels it is inferior for mom to NOT be at home? What else could that mean? And taking into account the rest of what she said in the post that corplawchick is replying to (and others in this thread), you don't think she has a weeeee bit of a bias against WOH in general? Come on.
Mary
Mom to Kevin 11/4/03
You can hate me, but do it because you know me, not because I’m a member of a group. Anyways, people aren’t grapes --- you can’t weigh them in a bunch, but I guess it’s easier than dealing with people as individuals. There, I’ve solved the riddle of prejudice: it saves time.
Rita Mae Brown, US author and social activist
wow. that's really weird. As their mother I DISTINCTLY remember choosing their environment, who would care for them and how. Of course, I made sure to choose someone who's style tended to mirror my own.
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but, but, but....how can HE be actively involved in the raising of them IF he's NOT THERE????
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and what does Mr. Yates have to say about that?
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Great. I can and will state that woh is best for me. I don't have a problem with sah. It is their choice. i'm glad we've got that straight!
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Again, it is the better way for YOU to parent, not necessarily ANY indicator of whether it would be best for all people. In fact, it's quite presumptious to assume that you know ANYTHING about what would be better for ANY other family but your own.
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scratching my head here....trying to figure out when i was "absent" from their lives, LOL!
Carole
who said it wasn't ok for wohms to work for things? all i'm saying is your op is an overdone one and not exclusive to wohms. i think when *wohms* bring up the lifestyle they hold onto so dearly,it's drawn from guilt more than anything else. sahms carry those fancy bags,save for junior's complete ride through college,too. share something a sahm does not know is all i'm challenging!!
and about dad and mom's choice to send my siblings and i to PAROCHIAL school,your classification of it only as *private* speaks volumes as to why you may feel it's only fluff.......they were in control of what primary education and foundation they wanted for us and that had more to do with religion and morality than it had to do with what the rich kids had. when we were 18,that choice to pursue college or not was no longer theirs to make. see the difference?
"who said it wasn't ok for wohms to work for things? "
I have been reading here (and since I work I don't really have the time to go through each thread, sorry for that) over and over how its understandable for mom to work if she HAS to (single mom or whatever) but for moms to chose to work when they don't need to and them working just results in them having more then its not OK. Also, I have seen over and over if a SAH has a lifestyle where she has extras its OK because she stays home, but a WOH to work and have the same lifestyle...faux pas.
"it's drawn from guilt more than anything else"
Ahhh and there it is :) I don;t have any guilt. I WOULD have guilt if I didn't contribute financially to my household. Its my job as a mom to provide for my child, just as much as its dad's job. I wont abdicate my responsibilities to SAH.
"share something a sahm does not know is all i'm challenging!! "
Work. And how is thread at all about what a SAH does and does not have???? My entire point is that the "lifestyle" is not the problems... WOH and SAH can have the same standard of living, I want to figure out why it is so horrible for a WOH to be working when they could live on why income. I don't see the relevance of your question. But theres plenty of things SAHs don't have (a job for one...)
"and about dad and mom's choice to send my siblings and i to PAROCHIAL school,your classification of it only as *private* speaks volumes as to why you may feel it's only fluff.......they were in control of what primary education and foundation they wanted for us and that had more to do with religion and morality than it had to do with what the rich kids had. when we were 18,that choice to pursue college or not was no longer theirs to make. see the difference?"
Clearly you are sentitive about the issue. :) Thats OK but you don't need to defend your parents choices, please go back, reread the post you're replying to and you should understand my POV. Niether what your parents did in sending you to private (I don't care if its parachial, got that the first time) school nor paying for some or all of a child's education fluff.
Sending your kid to college and paying some or all of their tuition is not fluff. Its not some designer thing that you flaunt around, its a loving thoughtful gift. I will continue to care for my child after 18. This includes not wanting to burden her and wanting her to have every chance to suceed. If you think thats fluff I would really like you to explain further.
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