Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 4:59pm
My husband sometimes goes 24 hours without seeing the kids. It is time away from me, or more specifically even, time away from home. I am a homebody and I am sure I project that onto my kids. We travel maybe once every 3 months for 3 day weekends and usually one week away a year. I love getting the heck away from them, but there is certainly a part of me that feels ridiculously guilty about it. I freely admit I am not a rational person about this. Too much of a Cancer to have much rational thought ;) My husband calls me the Jewish- Catholic- Atheist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 4:59pm
You had a career while you were a SAHM, or before?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:00pm
I don't abide by guilt or regret. Regret is a useless emotion, and guilt is only appropriate if one feels they are actually doing something wrong. If that is true, they can change it, and the guilt is gone. The idea that the majority of working mothers feel guilty over it is laughable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:01pm
My dh is very flexible with his job for our family.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:03pm

"You just told me you and your money are more important than time with your children. There is more to mothering than errands, naps, feeding schedules, cleaning, cooking and diapering. So much more."


I can't mother them while they're in school or nap.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:05pm
I would never "make" my husband work more so I could stay home. However, in his small business, he often doesn't have a choice in the matter. Long hours are sometimes called for. On the flip side, because he owns his own business-he makes it to all the big things, takes our youngest to work with him a couple of mornings a week, and has the ability to coach their soccer teams. All I am saying is his clients, too, have jobs, some have jobs that aren't flexible so they need to meet after hours or on Saturdays. He accomodates them so his business can grow. Nothing wrong with that and it has nothing to do with my sah or woh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:07pm

You are talking to someone who fully believes women should be well prepared to take over if the need arises in their family. Education is something all women would do well to achieve and use to some extent while their children are young and growing, if not before. I could take over and make near what we are living on now and in a few years I could exceed what we earn.

I have no guilt whatsoever about not working. I wouldn't even if I didn't have an education or the know-how to run a successful business. I believe it is the man's position to provide first for his family. I'm a person of complete faith in God. So is my dh. We trust that when the Lord tells us that the man is to work to provide that He will provide us the tools whereby that can occur successfully.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:10pm
We do home school our children.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:10pm

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Yup, and the idea that they *should* feel guilty is hysterical.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:14pm
The problem is that if you work because you want to then your children are suffering needlessly. They are out a mom for the time you are off making money to provide things that don't really matter in the long run when your presence could make all the difference.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

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