Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:29pm

oh, and since my children have been "suffering needlessly" (insert eyeroll here) can you please add a detailed list of exactly what behaviors or characteristics i should be on the look out for....since if they are "suffering" there MUST BE some outward visible sign....

Carole....waiting patiently with bated breath........

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:32pm

<<>>

You are right...it is a debate board. With that said DEBATE what she said. Dont turn it around and say she said that women that woh are inferior. She said she feels that it is best for mom to be home. Not that moms that dont sah are inferior.

<<>>

Umm did ya miss what I said in the prior post? I am guessing you did since you are asking me again. So here it is again... Never said it did. Just pointing out that her posts that SAHM are the evil ones here, it really goes both ways. Remember it is a debate board for cry it out loud. ;)

<>>

She didn't. She said that she felt it was best for mom to be at home. If you want to debate that with a WHY do you feel that way by all means go ahead. But for someone to say that she stated that WOH are inferior is nonsense and just ridiculous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:34pm
What are you talking about? How are her kids suffering? Are your kids suffering and out of a dad because he WOH? I think you are really stepping into a rather ridiculous tired argument about WOHM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:41pm

>>Umm did ya miss what I said in the prior post? I am guessing you did since you are asking me again. So here it is again... Never said it did. Just pointing out that her posts that SAHM are the evil ones here, it really goes both ways. Remember it is a debate board for cry it out loud. ;)<<

No, I didn't miss it, I was trying to point out that you were doing the exact same thing that you were whining about others doing, that's all. Apparently you missed it.

>>She didn't. She said that she felt it was best for mom to be at home. If you want to debate that with a WHY do you feel that way by all means go ahead. But for someone to say that she stated that WOH are inferior is nonsense and just ridiculous.<<

It's not ridiculous. Best means the best compared to something else. If the something else is not everything that is not SAH, then what is it? It's like saying "breast milk is best!" and then trying to say that you don't think that formula is worse than breast milk. If I am wrong, then tell me what SAH is best compared to, if it's not WOH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:48pm
In all m y 38 years, I've never felt as fulfilled as I do tonight. I choose to allow all that has passed through my years to show me how fulfilled I've become. It's not only about being a mother and I never said it was.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:50pm

I'm asking for proof that the "majority" (her words not mine) of the 70% of wohm HAVE to work.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:57pm

<>

LMAO...I have always enjoyed statements like this on a debate board. Please tell me how you read a whine? What exactly was I doing? Debating what she said? The horror!

<>

No it isn't. She was accused of implying that WOH are inferior...when she didn't. She gave her opinion about SAHM, and said nothing about WOHM. You can most certainly take a debate this way if you like...but it really makes no sense. Instead of writing what the OP is implying why not stick to what she said and ask her WHY she thinks that it is best that mom is home. Not put your own personal spin on her statement. Don't ask her to explain or debate something she didn't say. Why do you need to compare anything? Why not ask her to explain her statement then debate what she says instead of spinning it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 9:07pm

>>Please tell me how you read a whine?<<

Whine as in complain, not as in the sound.

As for the rest, I don't know how to respond to your refusal to admit that "best" is a comparative judgement. Worst, Worse, Best, and Better, are all comparative judgements. They can not mean anything without being compared to something else. If you don't agree, than I'm afraid we will just have to agree to disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 9:37pm

LOL. Unemployed? Not on your life. My job is my family and helping my husband. I'm very employed and what's more, I'm actually employable in the REAL world.

Luck has nothing to do with our life situation. I don't know how you survive but we don't rely on things to happen to us. We make things happen. If they don't work out we go back to the drawing board and make a new plan, form new goals and drive on. Adapt and overcome.

Married well, eh? I married a boy who was broke and had his truck repossessed before we were married. I married a boy who grew up standing in the welfare line down at the USDA office. I married a boy who knew he didn't want that for his family and we did everything we could to be successful. He has no formal education yet he took his passion and he put it to use to his added benefit.

Are you a business owner? I've owned two highly successful businesses. Success doesn't happen because of luck. People gain success by hard work and ambition and plain old smarts.

I'm not speaking from a pulpit. I'm simply saying there is a better way and we owe it to our children to find it. We owe it to society to raise children better than they are being raised on the whole at this point in history where crime and drug use and teen parenting is at on the higher end of norms amongst our youth.

I've been a wohm. It's not what children need or want.

And by saying "using somebody else's success and good fortune" are you referring to my husband's success? He didn't come to this point of success alone.

Shame on you for assuming so much in the past two posts you've written to me. Once again, you don't know me and it's beyond me how you can make such sweeping judgments not knowing me.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 10:22pm
What didn't you understand about what I posted? Perhaps I can clarify for you?

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

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