Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:13am
May I ask if you homeschool as well? Of course the DCP teaches the child. That is why you pick the person carefully not to clash with your values. However, I do not mind my child getting more than one take on things. I am confident enough in my child and my own parenting to allow my child to enjoy some of the grand diversity of life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:20am

"5) if the kids go away to summer camp either day or overnight, who is raising them?"

""To some extent these are extensions of our raising them. This is why it's so important to know who we leave our children with.""

Wait a minute! Isn't that what several people have been arguing about othercare? That it is an extension of parental rearing of the kids and therefore it is important to pick a good DCP? Why is summercamp suddenly OK for you, but not DC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:29am

IMO, if you feel guilt about something, you should rectify the situation, so as not to feel the guilt. I do not think that feeling guilt on an ongoing basis is healthy in any way, shape or form. If I felt guilty about leaving my child with a DCP, I would find a better person. Simple really.

Since I do not think it is ideal for dd to be home with me 24/7, I am not likely to feel guilt merely because I am leaving her with a DCP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:37am
Yes, that is true. It certainly reflects a set of values. Some of us disagree with those values.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:38am
We are now 700 posts into this thing, and I still have no good sense of WHY you think it is so important for MOM to be the primary, FT caregiver.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:44am
I think it is cool though that you can recognize that it is really your problem and not your kid's. I know parents who have never made that realization and it ain't pretty as the children grow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:44am
Faith is a lovely thing, but not even Islam forbids women from working, so why does your religion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:47am
Suffering how please? Make all the difference, how?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:48am
So, your idea is to minimize any outside influence on your children, I assume. Some of us do not consider that an ideal way to raise kids at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 4:58am
You still are not catching the difference here. There is a difference between saying that SAH is the best for you, personally and your particular family and saying that SAH is better, period. Mrs. Phoenix has now repeatedly claimed that SAH is the best, period, that any alternative, including school, means that others are raising the kids and that the kids are suffering. So, that doesn't imply, it explicitly states that children of WOHMs, all WOHMs, suffer and are not being raised by their parents.

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